Did My Mama Play Me?!

Every caregiver has their Everest, and for me, it was trying to create that perfect TV moment with my mom, Zetty. As she battles advanced Alzheimer's, I balance the unpredictable world of caregiving with my role as a comedian and podcaster. This episode is a raw and humorous recount of our attempt to watch my television appearance together—a plan thwarted by caregiving surprises and Zetty's own schedule. But there's a silver lining in the form of a recorded show waiting for us, a reminder that sometimes, the rerun can be just as precious as the live broadcast.

Embrace the confidence of legends—Muhammad Ali's swagger, Cristiano Ronaldo's poise—as we explore why such self-assuredness is crucial, especially for caregivers who are often society's unsung heroes. Through laughter, struggles, and tales of unexpected turns, we celebrate the small victories and the profound connections that enrich the caregiving experience. Share this journey with me and remember, the next time you cross paths with a caregiver, a little recognition can go a long way in lifting their spirits.


#CaregiverChronicles 
#AlzheimersJourney 
#ComedyCaregiving 
#CaregiverStories 
#EmbracingChallenges 

Chapters

• 0:00 Challenges of Caregiving and TV Performance
• 13:39 Missed TV Appearance, Disappointment With Mother
• 28:51 Passionate Promotion for Caregivers

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I need y'all to tell me later, right, in a comment, in an email, in a text, if Zeddy carried me, if she played me, if she threw me under the bus. It's so hard for Zeddy and I to have moments of connectivity at this point. Her Alzheimer's is very, very advanced. But I thought I had a perfect opportunity. I was going to be on television y'all on live, big old TV, and I knew exactly what time it wasn't. Oh, let's guess, let's hope and let's see. The television producer said JSmiles this date. And this time girl put the TV on. I said hell yeah, I'd schedule myself to be the caregiver, so it would be just me and Zeddy, no other distractions, nobody talking. I ain't have the person bringing her food, I ain't have nobody cutting the grass. You understand what I'm saying. It's going to be me and Zeddy looking at JG on the big ass TV. Right, right, it's a mama daughter moment. And then JG is at it. Except you know what? Come watch and listen yourself, tell me what you think, come on.

Speaker 1: 1:25

Parenting up caregiving adventures with comedian DaySmiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler alert I started comedy because this shit is so heavy, so be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver, you are in the right place. Hi, this is Zeddy. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. You okay, did my mama play me? Our parenting up community is growing so fast I can't put out a episode as fast as we're growing. So text podcast to 404-737-1449 for updates, exclusives and suggestions on topics. While you're at it, share an episode with the caregiver you love. Review on Apple Podcasts and follow us on social media. Subscribe to our YouTube page, please. It really helps.

Speaker 1: 2:44

Okay, it is so difficult to actually plan things with me and Zeddy. I never know what her schedule is going to be like. You know what I'm saying, which sounds crazy, but, caregivers, you feel me on this. You don't know when your LO is going to feel like standing up, laying down, talking, walking. Is it a diarrhea day? Is it a take a nap all day day? I don't know when I'm going to have a speaking engagement, when I might get booked, okay, so I already felt like it is miraculous that me and Zeddy can actually be together uninterrupted. Do you feel what I'm saying? Like, not a doctor's appointment, and I'm not even going to be out of town, Anyway, whatever.

Speaker 1: 3:35

So, first of all, I'm grateful to be a working entertainer. Shout out and a finger snaps for me on that. Okay, I'm a comedian who actually gets booked. I'm a podcaster who actually gets to speak and talk, yay. So the Porsche show, a TV show based out of Atlanta, asked me to be on for their gratitude episode to talk about people and stuff that you're grateful and thankful for. Network television, believe it or not, still records days, weeks, sometimes months in advance, and they're able to tell you when you will be on TV. That's the good thing. And her entire staff, her meaning Porsche, they know that I'm a family caregiver, so they gave me a little extra time so that I could bounce around whether or not I would be able to do it.

Speaker 1: 4:35

So, y'all, first thing was I was on shift the night before the recording. Okay, you should have seen me almost miss the freaking recording. Zeddy was up all night. This heifer wouldn't go to bed. I'm thinking I will be. I will be grateful if you will take your heifer ass to sleep, because mama, I'm supposed to be on TV. Would you go to bed? Just go to bed. I ain't got to get there till like 12 o'clock, but if you don't go to bed, I'm gonna have bags under my eyes down here looking like a great day, or whatever them dogs are. I'm not a dog person because, okay, I got bad allergies. Anyway, that's like the point. Listen to me, stick with me, people.

Speaker 1: 5:25

I wasn't supposed to be the caregiver, but the caregiver on the shift that night called out sick. I can't eat. Who knows if she was really sick. But this is the point If you think you sick, you can't be around my mama, because whether you have a flu, the cold, maybe the vid or just a bad attitude, I don't want you with my mama. So what I'm gonna say? Oh girl, you gotta come to work, cause I'm gonna be on TV tomorrow. Don't nobody wanna hear that. Oh, jay smiles. Oh, you so big, you so high post. Now I gotta come to work, cause you gonna be on TV. Who you think you? Oprah? Well, oprah don't even have a show, no more. So I guess that don't matter. Anyway, oprah's is still, she will always be, the gold standard to me. Shout out oh, if you want me, I'm available, girl. Anyway, anyway, back for it.

Speaker 1: 6:15

So now I'm just trying to get Zeddy to go to bed. She normally goes to bed around midnight or one, but not this night. So she already trying to ruin my TV performance. Okay, and I'm not for colorism. However, I'm not the darkest woman in the room. Okay, bags show up on my skin tone a little faster than some of my other sisters, right, and I had to do my own makeup. They told me come camera ready. Okay, I didn't have time to even bring somebody to do my makeup to my house. Yes, I live in Atlanta and there's a makeup artist every three feet, but you gotta give them people time to get to your house. I ain't have time to play. None of that. Cause.

Speaker 1: 7:05

Why I'm the caregiver on shift and Zeddy will not go to bed. Why won't she go to bed? I don't know. That's the part about being a caregiver you never know what the hell's going on in these people's minds. Okay, she just walking around sashing her little ass like this, doing nothing, doing an ass load of nothing. I mean she just moving one magazine from the left to the right of the desk. Look at me, jay-g. Is that right? I said yeah, mama, it's right. She looks at me, mm-mm, now she moved it. Ask me if it's right. I say yes. She says uh-uh, what happened? Why did you ask me If you're gonna dare disagree? Whatever, it's now two-thirty going on three o'clock.

Speaker 1: 7:58

The other thing is y'all I have trouble sleeping at night. I'm really a night owl, okay, but I need to go to bed because what I need to look camera at. Anyway, we're going through this already. I'm trying to make her go to sleep. She don't wanna go to sleep. I can't even take my go to sleep medicine because then I'm going to sleep through when it's time to clean her.

Speaker 1: 8:22

My mom is incontinent. One of the proudest things I have around her is that he has never had a breakdown. On my watch we're going into year 12 people Baby ain't never had a skin breakdown in her girly parts, except Piedmont Hospital. Holly, if you hear me, I should have sued them, but I didn't. Piedmont Hospital, during the top of the pandemic, left my mama looking like a leper down in her girly parts. I didn't sue him because the courts were closed for that first nine months and I just didn't have time. I left it to the whole heavens that she got, that she healed. I was so grateful that she healed and that she didn't die in there with them fools that I said the universe is gonna take care of me and my mama in other ways.

Speaker 1: 9:13

Anyway, every two hours, when you on shift with my mama overnight, you got to wake up and clean that thing up. So I can't take my sleepy pills. So I need this. Everybody go to sleep, but will she no? Anyway, anyway, anyway, I'm like mama, please, please, what JG no magazine back over here? Is that right? I'm not falling for it again. I said, uh-uh, mama, it's not right. She said she left her on y'all and just walked away. I said, oh, good Lord, I don't know what happened, but somebody is smiling on me.

Speaker 1: 10:06

When she walked away and walked into the bathroom, I cut off all the lights. It was a risky move because sometimes with Zeddy, if you change the environment too quickly it's so startling that she could have a little bit of a meltdown. But we're going into 3.30, almost four o'clock in the morning, and at this point I was willing to take the risk. So I cut off all the lights. She goes into the bathroom. When she comes out, I grab her hand and I just start walking toward the bed Like shh, like like the lights been out, like it's been, like, like the lights been out for four years and it's supposed to be like this. We just go, walk on over here and go to bed.

Speaker 1: 11:03

I get off shift around 10 am. We just stand there. The caregiver for the morning comes in. I get up, I start getting dressed. I'm rushing what do I put on? Where am I supposed to wear? Oh, my goodness, because you know, for television you can't wear certain prints and you can't wear certain colors, especially when it's not your show. Y'all know, jay smiles. I wear patterns and prints. I mean, look at the chair I'm sitting on. You can't outstripe polka dot, plant me. Look at these glasses. You know what I'm saying. I got to think through all that. I got to put on my makeup. You know I'm doing this with my eyeshadows. Y'all remember what's that got to do with it. When I can be Tina, okay, it's too much, but whatever. And you know, and Angela Baster was trying to do this and then she was. You know, that's how I'm looking. It took me twice as long because I'm sleepy and I'm poking out my eyeball trying to do my makeup. Okay, but I got to get there. So I get there and it's great.

Speaker 1: 12:06

Everybody on set is great. And they're asking me how is my mom? How is Zeddy? And everybody is, zeddy is the fan favorite. Everybody is so in love with Zeddy.

Speaker 1: 12:17

I feel like a A-hole, wanting to tell them you know what Middle fingers up on that heifer because she let me get any sleep. I want to tell them hey, I know y'all wanted me to be on here talking about being grateful, but actually I'm not grateful for her right now because I ain't been asleep. And not only have I not been asleep, my wrists feel a little copper, tunnel-ish because of how many times I had to roll that hefty booty over last night because she wouldn't help. Listen, my mama got the kind of buttocks that the people paying to have. You know what I'm saying. And because she was tired, because she wouldn't go to sleep, she wouldn't help. She normally lifts that hip up and helps roll, but last that night she wouldn't help with the roll. So I'm extra.

Speaker 1: 13:08

But how you gonna show up to somebody on TV, when it's supposed to be the grateful gratitude episode, complaining about your mama with the Alzheimer's and dementia? You know you can't do that because then I'm the A-hole. So I had to hold that in. Have you ever tried to hold in how you really feel when you're a comedian and we're not good at that and think through what you should say? But you frustrated. That was my move and what I was trying to do.

Speaker 1: 13:39

They were like, so how is Zeddy? Oh, my goodness, we just really love Zeddy. I was like, yeah, she's great, she's sleep. I left that half a snoring and having dreams and licking her lips and just rubbing her little feet together while I'm out here trying to do this episode. Anyway, I do love my mom. I do love her.

Speaker 1: 14:07

I'm just trying to tell y'all sometimes she just not as sweet and calm and cute as y'all think on the little things, on the little social media and all the little pictures and the little stuff. I gotta just tell y'all, sometimes she's tricky and y'all could come get her. Any of y'all could come get her and keep her for a night or two, a weekend or two, a year or two, whatever. You know me, I don't know how long I'll have her. It's been 12 years. So if anybody wants to, you know, you know, you know you can check a book at the library. You could check Zeddy out library, anyway. So I go ahead. We have the episode, we do. We do the episode of the Porsche show. It's fantastic. They alert me as to when the episode will air. I make sure that Zeddy and I are the only two at home when the episode airs.

Speaker 1: 15:02

Okay, now, that's hard y'all. I need you to understand how hard that is. There are always people in and out of the house, a multitude of caregivers and or service providers doing something. Zeddy is the queen of my whole life, not just of the castle, of any and everything I'm doing. So there's somebody either giving her a massage or working on her pinkie toe, or shampooing her hair or doing the lawn, or somebody got to work on the conditioner unit or whatever. Somebody's dropping off her food. I can't cook Zeddy's food. That baby she's. She can't have cheese. She can't have pine nuts. It's too much. If I had to cook for Zeddy she wouldn't have made it these 12 years. You understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 15:53

I said, you know what? Zeddy and I gonna have this magic moment, right, this mother, daughter, zeddy, jj moment. So if I make sure it's just the two of us, nobody's gonna come in her room, nobody's gonna ask for anything and we're gonna focus. It's gonna be. I'm gonna be on TV, he's gonna be Vee and Zeddy. Okay, all right. Now the show was gonna come on at one, which is, which is 6 am for Zeddy. Okay, what PM for the rest of us is 6 am for Zeddy, all right. So I said, okay, I'm gonna record it, just in case Zeddy is not really really awake. I'm gonna record it, but I'm gonna try to wake her up. You know what I'm saying. I knew what I was up against. Damn good thing I recorded it.

Speaker 1: 16:45

No, part of 1 am did this half a wake up? She didn't. I mean she didn't shimmy or shake or nothing. She didn't wake up, so much so that I missed the original airing of seeing my own self. Do you know how infuriating it was to miss seeing your own self? Listen, y'all.

Speaker 1: 17:10

I've had a little bit of something on the TV and on the little radio and on the little internet webs and stuff, but that's a big deal. I'm on TV and I'm talking and I missed it. I'm like I have publicized this to people. I sent out my little text blasts, email blasts and mama trying to get you up to have this special mother-daughter moment. I missed it. So I can't have my mama, daughter or a me moment. Oh girl, what? Let somebody else do it. Okay, whatever, but I did record it, okay, because you got to be ready for this. That's a part of care. Giving is pivoting Be ready. So I go ahead and get yourself a breakfast with an attitude. Yes, I did have an attitude, but she did eat and I was kind to her. My attitude was on the inside. You know what I have? You got the inside and your outside voice. I had my inside and my outside attitude. So my attitude was on the inside. Okay, that was nice to my mama. Okay. So around dinner time for her right, two, three hours later, I press play because I've recorded it. So I'm like, okay, she's up now I'm gonna put me on the TV. Now I gotta let y'all know I was the only comedian kind of person on this episode. It was a pastor, a deacon and the fan of the month. So I was the person to bring in the levity.

Speaker 1: 19:00

They asked me what was I grateful for? Who was I grateful for? What do I do during the gratitude holiday? I want you to know I said 12,000 million, 13 things, and all of the things I've seen had something to do with Zeddy's raggedy ass. Do you hear me? Every single thing. I didn't say I was grateful for breath or for baby Jesus, grown Jesus, mohammed, confucius, abraham, nothing. Not for the darling llama, not for chocolate, not forever having ever finding glasses, not for making it through Covid. Not for nothing. Not for being on the Porsche show, not for having this podcast, only for Zanny. Yeah, that's all I talked about.

Speaker 1: 19:58

And several times on the episode y'all, they cut in on me like this. As much as you can only see me, you couldn't even see Porsche. The cameraman said this you know what? For the next 20 seconds, it's the J-Smile show. That's when I said hey, zanny, look Zanny, look, hey Zanny, look it's me, it's me, mama on TV.

Speaker 1: 20:26

This Zanny that is her reaching for the straw, which means Huff's spoil tail won't even get her cup to say you get the straw. There's nothing wrong with her hand. I want y'all to know this. There's nothing wrong with her hand. She's just she's. I spoiled her, she spoiled. She's like meaning hand me the straw. I would like to sip some juice. I'm sorry, huff, are you rolling? Are you slow rolling your eyes at me, whole, full face on the TV, y'all. My head was just, I was Mount Rushmore head, big on the TV. When I paused it to say look, mama, I'm on TV, not of nothing, she didn't say uh-uh, uh-uh, I don't see you. What? Who is that? Nothing. You know how I hurt my feelings for her.

Speaker 1: 21:51

First of all, I look just like you. Okay, you got black long hair little bit of a digression. But how about you just say that, ain't you JJ, that's me? I mean, give me something, or that, ain't you JJ, that's grandmama? But you gonna just ignore it, like, say, I'm your sister, but you just gonna ignore it like whatever, okay. And then the show goes off and I'm like I cannot believe.

Speaker 1: 22:19

First of all, I didn't even have to be on shift. Then I want to start there. Okay, I could have not been on shift and let somebody else do it, let somebody else be working. I'm not gonna be on shift at all. Now I'm working. Then I didn't have to be working and I missed the first episode when it was live. I didn't have to do that. And now I'm sitting here with you and you don't even get mama. My little butt feels a crush, y'all. I'm gonna bring it on home. For y'all who be thinking that it didn't play me Episode is over so I take it off.

Speaker 1: 22:57

Y'all know that he only watches Game Show Network because it's safe. It's nothing catastrophic or damaging like the news or anything about war or famine or natural disaster. Y'all. Why the family feud? Come on About two minutes later, steve Harvey says fast money.

Speaker 1: 23:29

And then he goes there's the fast money. And did you say there, steve and fast money? You know what I'm going to call Marjorie. I need to know what you and Steve got going on. Yeah, you can't even keep your eyes open while I'm on TV, but Steve gets a name. Call out, a shout out with a fast money. Okay, I have a.

Speaker 1: 24:17

I see you, I see you, I see you. I see you. I see you. I see you, I see you, I see you. I see you, I see you, I see you. I still love you, mama. That was wrong. Just snuggle up.

Speaker 1: 24:45

When I was a caregiver newbie, that would have crushed me, do you understand? I may not have made it to the taping in the first place the way the night before went. I would have been a basket of nerves, but I let it all roll off my back. You live in the moment as a caregiver, knowing that anything could change at any time. Don't take anything too seriously. Don't get too wrapped up in what you thought was supposed to happen.

Speaker 1: 25:23

I know it's not my mama's plan to get on my nerves, to frustrate me or to make things more difficult. Why? Why would she do that? Why would that be her purpose in my life right now? To do all of that? Since I can choose what to believe, then she can't tell me. She can't tell me what the hell she's thinking, so I'm going to choose to believe it's the disease. She didn't want to do that. She didn't want to keep me up all night. She didn't want to really miss me being on television talking about how much I love her and how great she is. Who the hell wouldn't want to hear that? I mean, even Trump wants to hear that. My mama has at least as much sense as that man. For sure. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 26:17

Number two. You know how they say always have a plan B. I always have a plan Z that's what they call it in South Africa a plan Z for Zeddy. Basically, have a whole bunch of plans. As a caregiver, you better not be walking around here with one plan. Don't do it to yourself. What you're asking for is an ulcer and a whole lot of madness and failure. The first thing I had planned was recorded, jay and I had several of my friends who lived in other places to record it, just in case my devices were not working. Okay, and I did put all of my clothes out in advance, which isn't the most Jaysmiles things to do. Now. I wasn't sure which outfit I would wear, but I at least put out full two it was about three different choices Just in case Zeddy wouldn't go to sleep or the burglary alarm went off. You just don't know. You just don't know Plan Z that is the story of my life.

Speaker 1: 27:37

Plan Z, number three you are a freaking family caregiver. Do you know what that means? Fcg, baby FCG. Okay, I don't have a hand signal. I've been trying to come up with one, but I don't know how to make a F or a G without it seeming like I'm being disrespectful or getting on some gang war turf thing. I don't want to do that. However, family caregivers, we don't get paid, we have not been formally trained yet, and still the entire healthcare system of the globe depends on us. Do you know what that means the fact that you have not quit completely. It doesn't matter if you kind of walked out on the responsibility for five minutes in your head, that doesn't matter. The point is you're still here and you show up, whether your LO is in a facility, lives with a sibling or lives with you. You are a family caregiver. You're involved with determining what's going to happen with your LO.

Speaker 1: 28:51

Whoops, beat your chest Not as hard as I just did. It's hurting right now. It is starving so much and I might have beat up on the microphone and sold potentially if you listen to this on IO, and you almost ran off into a ditch. My bad, you know what I'm saying, but that's just how passionate I am about this thing. The point is shout out yourself. You know how cocky Mohammed Ali was, how cocky Michael Jordan still is. Feel that kind of cockiness. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. Ronaldo, the football player, ain't nobody better than him. To him, that's how you should feel about drug caregivers. Be out player. Be out what's up? Family. Share this episode right here with a caregiver you love. Review on Apple Podcasts. Follow us on social media and please subscribe to our YouTube channel.