The Comedians Care Series: Multigenerational Caregiving with Kelly Kellz

In this episode, we sit down with fan-favorite, comedian Kelly Kellz. Known for her side-splitting stand-up and hilarious videos online, Kelly isn't just funny—she’s real. Kelly opens up about her life beyond the laughs, sharing her love for her family, maternal influences, the ups and downs of having the gift of comedy, and how transparency heals.   

J Smiles dives deep with Kelly as she talks about her journey helping her grandmother care for one of her great-grandmothers, both 'spunky' women who lived into their 90s, passing recently. Kelly also shares her raw experiences as a mom, balancing comedy, caregiving, and motherhood. Discover her heartwarming and hilarious stories about both of her great-grandmothers, how she’s earned the title of "#GrandmaWhisperer," and practical tips for anyone navigating the challenges of caregiving.

Tune in for candid conversations, expert caregiver advice, and hilarious anecdotes that only Kelly Kellz and J Smiles can deliver. If you love comedy, caregiving stories, and authentic, no-filter conversations, this episode is for you!

Visit Kellykellz.com for more on today's guest!

#CaregivingJourney
#sandwichgeneration
#FamilyCaregiver
#BlackFamilyStories 
#CaregivingTips
#RealTalk
#UnfilteredConversations  
#PodcastEpisode
#BlackExcellence
#EndAlz

Host: J Smiles
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: AnneliseTV

Chapters

• 0:00 Advocacy and Transparency in Caregiving
• 5:41 Generational Influences and Caregiving
• 18:40 The Challenges of Caregiving
• 28:59 Celebrating Life Through Caregiving
• 33:34 Evolution of Caregiving With Kelly

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You find them, opening up in ways you like I didn't know you went through this type of trauma. I didn't know that you experienced this type of grace. I didn't know that you, you had a job. You worked when, when, every time I saw you were available. That's right, and it just made me a better person. And now I call myself Grandma Whisperer, because now it's weird.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Hashtag Grandma Whisperer, put that on your Kelly Qs, please do, because it's another adjective added to my name.

Speaker 1: 0:35

However, I literally am on planes, I'm in airports, restaurants and older people are attracted to me and I find them letting their guards down. You talking about those men. I'm talking about all the older, older, more mature crowd, Like they open up to me.

Speaker 2: 0:56

Parenting Up, caregiving adventures with comedian day smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler alert. I started comedy because this shit is so heavy, so be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver. You are in the right place. Hi, this is Zeddy. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Is that okay? Parenting Up Family. We are here today doing something special and action. Y'all we're ready for that. There you go. Okay, y'all saw that, and somebody got a little extra side side waist in this mug. Today's guest is none other than the fabulous multi-hyphenate actor, comedian podcaster double PhD'd Is that how you say it? I mean, yeah, double.

Speaker 1: 2:32

D's, double, d's, double PhD's.

Speaker 2: 2:33

Throw some.

Speaker 1: 2:34

D's on them y'all. They're doctors.

Speaker 2: 2:35

baby, throw some D's on them A major social media influencer, an advocate, an activist, and my soror yeah, we're deltas. We ain't gonna even wait for y'all to ask, we're not even gonna wait for y'all to ask. Thank, you for being here making time.

Speaker 1: 2:55

You're busy, You're all over the place, but I just parenting up is just something that you can't even let. Just slip through the cracks. You've got to get there.

Speaker 2: 3:03

Yes, you ain't lying. It calls. Can't even let just slip through the cracks. You've got to get there. Yes, you got a line. It calls you. You don't know if you call for it. That's.

Speaker 1: 3:08

That's a good thing and I'm here for the calling right, hello so she's an idiot, which is why I love her.

Speaker 2: 3:16

Thank you, so many, many people know your story. Yeah, because you you share with us on social media and I appreciate it, thank you. You give us the laughs, you tell us about what's going great, what might make you kind of sad. Everybody doesn't do that, kelly, I know what even gives you the strength to share that much of your personal life online.

Speaker 1: 3:37

To be completely honest, I know transparency heals right, and so it was somebody else's transparency that gave me strength. And so, now that I have this major platform, I always ask God if you give me a platform, I know it's going to be bigger than me. I know it's not just for me and I'm going to use it for your glory or however I see fit. So a lot of times my stories and my testament help people get through, because people assume that just because you are influenced or you all these things great, that you don't have trials and tribulations You're like no, I have the most, what I have the most, because I require so much more and I'm giving and people are always taking.

Speaker 1: 4:15

So I have to tell you this is how I'm feeling right now, and you would be surprised. Getting two or three messages like I needed that today will make you say, well, I'm gonna do it tomorrow, see who else need it. And then it turns into a five, and then you have groups. You're in. You like, oh my god, this is a calling. So it's just something I feel like I have to do and I'm not embarrassed of who I am.

Speaker 2: 4:36

That's what makes me Kelly Kells neither one of us have long enough legs or toes to actually and fingers to touch, but this was a touch it was.

Speaker 1: 4:45

That was a touch.

Speaker 2: 4:51

Now it's the parenting up community, and we're here because at some point we have either been cared for, we are currently caring for someone in our family or someone care for us, and it's a struggle. A lot of people don't want to talk about it, a lot of people are scared to talk about it, which is why I wanted you to open with how comfortable you are sharing your story, and it's because it's helped other people. Now you're originally from Milwaukee, yeah, and you didn't made a whole lot of places on the big screen, the short screen, the little screen, the cell phone screen, yeah. Hbo, yeah, man, okay, come on now. Come on, pop yourself. But before that, yeah, you was somebody's daughter, granddaughter, mm-hmm At home. So often we are found our real calling in talking with our maternal influences. Yeah, I know, you got some strong ones.

Speaker 1: 5:51

I have extreme deep connections with my, my grandmothers and great-grandmothers and I find so much confidence in that because a lot of people like dang you still have your great-grandmother. Well, I did up until about six months ago. I lost my great grandmother and then, like three months after that, I lost my my mother's grandma. So I lost two great grandmas within three months, but they were going strong 93 and 96 years old when they, when they finally transitioned, they were in a right state of mind. One of them needed a little bit more care than the other and that was the blessing. I was able to do that and I saw myself reaping the benefits of just being in her presence and hearing her stories and connecting with her. So my grandmother was the primary caregiver. However, whenever I'm around my grandmother, you sit down and relax. That's right. You have a grandchild in here, that's right, I can do all this.

Speaker 1: 6:49

As a matter of fact, I can do it so efficiently. You didn't even know that it could be done in a short amount of time. You know what I mean. She's like wait a minute you should come.

Speaker 2: 6:56

You washed the dishes and vacuumed it.

Speaker 1: 7:06

It would have Kelly in a week, and so that was the beauty in it and I found so much joy in that. And I wasn't Kelly Kells, I was Kelly and I was grandbaby. And to love on someone who has loved on you your entire life is a reward. It's rewarding, it's the gift that keeps on giving. And then you find them opening up in ways you, like I didn't know you went through this type of trauma. I didn't know that you experienced this type of grace, right, I didn't know that you. You had a job. You worked when, when, every time I saw you we're available, that's right, and it just made me a better person. And now I call myself Grandma Whisperer, because now it's weird.

Speaker 2: 7:46

Hashtag Grandma Whisperer, put that on your Kelly Qs, please do, because it's another adjective added to my name.

Speaker 1: 7:53

However, I literally am on planes, I'm in airports, restaurants and older people are attracted to me and I find them letting their guards down. Talk about those men.

Speaker 1: 8:07

I'm talking about all the older, older, more mature crowd, like they open up to me. I go to Samson gym and if you know about anything about Samson gym, it's connected to new birth church. The demographic in there is about 50 and up, and then it's me in here Pump it, pump it, pump it Now I. It's me in here, pump it, pump, pump, pump it, pump it Now. I'm playing picket ball. I play picket ball, you're not supposed to do that.

Speaker 2: 8:30

I play it. We're not supposed to do that, and.

Speaker 1: 8:32

I'm going so hard on them. They 50 trying to spike it up Like you gotta. Yeah, but all that stemmed from loving on my grandmother when she didn't expect me to do those things Right, and my family probably didn't expect me to come in and be hands on what you need. No, I don't want to put no gloves on. I know this sound crazy, right, Because in my mind this gloves making me feel like ew, nah you okay, Like I'm not in the hospital, I'm not a nurse.

Speaker 1: 8:56

You, my grandma. Yeah, yeah, you can touch your skin and whatever come out your body.

Speaker 2: 9:00

Let's go.

Speaker 1: 9:01

We got soap don't we and, and we got soap and I'm taking something, so he bought his. Why did you buy all this soap?

Speaker 2: 9:06

we're taking a couple of people your, uh, your story to me is extra special because you're talking about multiple generations of women who were strong in their influence in your life. And then you come back and then you get to help Share a little bit about how that role reversal felt. Was it hard for you? Was it hard for your elders? Because now you know you little baby Gally and then now you come and you actually have to of your great grandmama for however long that you can. How'd that go over?

Speaker 1: 9:46

I think it was just more of an endearing feeling for her. I am extremely loving and kind and gentle, so I can listen to the long-winded stories, so I never made her feel uncomfortable in any space that she was in, so it was rewarding for me. I felt as if I'm only doing this because I could pray to be 93 years old and sit there and I want somebody to have grace, patience with me, right? And that was the thought process at one moment. And then it just became a natural instinct. You don't even think about it when you're parenting up, right? Ah Bam, ding Ding, you don't even think about it, because that's what love is, it transcends. So they loved on me, so I can love on them and I can't wait for my daughter to love on me and my grandchildren to love on me, because I already planted that seed and it was like planting a seed and then watching it grow. And then, of course, everything that grows must, you know, ungrow and but.

Speaker 2: 10:53

But I found peace in the ungrowing process because I already did all the the loving and the curating them and digging the dirt and and making sure it was fresh mulch and everything. Oh, it was, it was good and she saw you and she saw me. Get, get your dreams.

Speaker 1: 11:03

Tell a funny story, please. Yes, like literally my grandmother. We were born and raised in a church. Right, there was a trend going on about tell your grandmother or tell someone you love, like, hey, I'm trying to get this money from a scholarship, but I need to tell them that you were a prostitute. I remember that I did that with my great-grandma, but my grandma was recording. So I'm like Grandma hey, I'm talking to my grandma. She's sitting on her bed. I'm like Grandma hey, it was so hard raising eight children. How did you do it, coming from the streets of being a prostitute? She said it was hard. It was hard. She didn't know what was going on. She said but I made it, my grandma couldn't. My grandma recorded. My grandma said what, mom? You were never a prostitute. She said we're getting the money right. Oh, this is why I'm who I am Right. Oh, that was so good. She was willing to be a prostitute to get me that scholarship money.

Speaker 1: 12:06

Listen Wow.

Speaker 2: 12:07

Wow, you know what? And what I just learned from you too is it seemed like it skipped a generation. So you know, the grandmama in the middle might not have had as much of the spice as you, nope, and the one above her. That's the same in my family. Yeah, my mama the blonde, just in case y'all ain't know. Yeah, I can see it. My mama is so demure, so demure and quiet. She doesn't curse or smoke or drink. She walks on the correct side of the street.

Speaker 1: 12:37

All the things Blah blah, blah Blah.

Speaker 2: 12:40

She doesn't know where I came from. Yeah, and I remind her, baby, I came from your mama. My grandmother, my mom's mom, was smoking cigarettes at 14 and skipping school.

Speaker 1: 12:52

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:52

And getting guys to take her to the bar. I love her. Come on this is 19th grade.

Speaker 1: 12:57

She lived life, what, what? That's what I'm telling you. My grandma, both of my great-grandmas, spunky, yeah, no, no, no, okay, hold on. My great-grandma spunky, my grandma, that's my mom. That's my daddy's side, yeah, but on my mama's side, my great-grandma, oh boy, and then my grandma spunky.

Speaker 2: 13:18

Right, so I'm like okay ding, ding ding ding, ding. It all came out in you on both sides. Yeah, I'm like oh, look at God. Car ain't got no roof, we be in the city, all right. That's a song. Absolutely it is a song, it is. Maybe they'll give us some money for that. Please, you know what I mean. I love how grandma was like did we get that scholarship?

Speaker 1: 13:42

I'm absolutely about to repost that video. Please do. I have to, please do. It was classic, I love it Any part.

Speaker 2: 13:49

that was hard for you, though, kelly. When you're seeing a person that you've loved and respected maybe not just the last few months, just to say over the last couple of years as you see, you're like, wow, she's not walking the same or not talking as quickly, or maybe she used to love the way I had the church and now she forgot that she don't even have the wig on, or whatever. That might not be your story, but that happens, yeah. Did you find yourself starting to turn the dial to damn? They not grandmama's?

Speaker 1: 14:18

not quite, I didn't have that with both instances One I obviously was a more caretaker of, and one it was just knowing the situation. It happened and suddenly, right, they went from being in perfect health. It was almost like a dagger. We know that they're getting older, we know that they have potential health issues, but they were living with them and they were fine. These are things that were streamlined, yeah, but then when they got sick, they just got sick, and then it was done. And when they got sick, they just got sick, and then it was and it was done. So I didn't have a chance to honestly process it in those type of segments of oh man, she's moving slower, because it was like I see her one day and she's in Milwaukee, they're both, they both were in Milwaukee. I see her one day and she's like, hey, we talk, we eat, my grandma just made breakfast, we enjoy ourselves, and then, literally like three days later, they like, hey, you may need to get down here, and I'm like what, what, just how? And it just happened.

Speaker 2: 15:11

You got the wrong Kelly Cash.

Speaker 1: 15:12

You got the wrong, Kelly Cash, and it just happened suddenly. But I wasn't able to just go down there because I have a life that contracts and I have so many type of commitments. But I was on FaceTime and I saw just the dwindling down and it was probably hard for them more than me, but I was like kind of lived in the moment of nah, I just was there like four days ago, yeah like nah, this is not what I'm accepting.

Speaker 2: 15:42

It's a technology glitch, maybe it's just not. Yeah, no, it seriously felt like that I was like is the phone froze?

Speaker 1: 15:47

It was like no, she's really not responding as fast as you think.

Speaker 1: 15:51

So, I think it was just a more denial thing and not being in the actual moment, because I was removed from it then. Yeah, I wasn't back here in Atlanta, so I didn't experience it more like that. I kind of took the joy aspect Like God, thank you for the time that you gave me. Nice, you get what I'm saying. That's beautiful. Honestly, if I could choose, I would never go to hospitals, I would never go to funerals, right, I would live in the moment, the most fresh moment of us spending great time together.

Speaker 2: 16:19

That would be my last impression, so sore. Yeah, I would love to do that. I would love to do that, if you figure that out, yeah, just text me DM, whatever it is how we can not go to funerals in hospitals, unfortunately, when you're the strength of your family right don't point at me no, it's too late, it's on you.

Speaker 1: 16:36

You can't not be it. They know it's on you. You have to be there and you have to be there full-fledged, ten toes down standing on. Ha ha, ha, yeah, yeah, everybody's happy. Oh, everything's good, Great. Oh, no, no, it's true, truly. And then you get in your car like ha ha Right, all the emotions, all the emotions.

Speaker 2: 16:59

Every last one Because of all the emotions that happen in the car, particularly when you're a caregiver who happens to be a comedian, so everybody expects you to walk in the room with a joke. Enlighten it up. Who did you just meet? What set were you just?

Speaker 1: 17:14

on. Where are you going next?

Speaker 2: 17:15

Show me your new purse. Yeah, what's your next set? What's the theme going to be? And you're like, but I was here because Uncle Jack is dying, can we talk about that? I don't want to talk about nothing in Hollywood.

Speaker 1: 17:26

But I just want to say that that's our gift. It is, and so that's why we was in the room and that's why we get in the car and go. Yeah, yeah, right, because you sink in your body like whoa and yeah, but a lot of times for me I don't have time to process anything Blessings, struggles, the stuff because it's happening so fast. I'm gone, gone.

Speaker 2: 17:50

Yeah, and sometimes I ask am I numb? No, well, listen, I don't think you're Buddhist, but they say, over there, all the Buddha people, all the Buddha people and people like Buddha live in the moment. We're not supposed to worry about the past or the future. So then boom, it's gone.

Speaker 1: 18:08

It's gone, there's nothing you can do about it. Now, that's the truth, that's a hard fact. Yes, yeah, so by yeah. That's why I'm like, okay, what's next? And I and quick solution, because I got to go. Now, if you don't take the solution, I really can't bring it back. Either way I got to go, either way I got to go. Now you can take that witch and go on, go on somewhere, go on, go on and sit down, or you're going to be left with that. And I'm like hey, I tried, I'm not going to keep trying.

Speaker 2: 18:40

You're a part of the sandwich generation which everyone just in case you don't know, the sandwich generation which everyone let's, just in case you don't know the sandwich generation, we're the first people, like around our age range, to be in it, because we have elders that are still alive, and then we have kids and you're a mom and we're so we're caring for both.

Speaker 2: 18:57

I am beating the drum so often, uh, kelly kells, to let moms hey, you know you're a caregiver Just because your kid can be healthy and doing great in school. Chick, you're a caregiver, you're a caregiver. Yeah, now, don't let the baby get sick or have an ailment that's chronic or something where there's special needs. Well, now, it just means that in your role as caregiver, you got more responsibilities. Yeah, but part of the push in my advocacy for caregiving is if more people put on the hat of caregiving and recognize their role, then maybe the movement pushes a little faster, a little harder. People in Congress, in the state legislatures and all this kind of stuff will pitch it to them and be like damn, it's a lot of caregivers, it's not just people caring for Alzheimer's patients, it's mamas like Kelly Kells, who got a mama, a great grandmama and a great, great grandmama and a daughter all at the same time.

Speaker 1: 19:59

I love that and, as a caregiver for your younger children, that is the most extensive caregiving, because now you're also caregiving in your building and molding Right. So if you're not in the best mental state, if you can't care for the elders that didn't care for you, if you don't, if you have all those different issues, if you're not seeing your way through, you're going to pour all of that trauma, all of that energy onto this baby that you're supposed to be caregiving for. And so it's so ironic that you even bring that up and it's so easy hearing that, because I was telling my husband I was like dude, I love my daughter. She did drop husband. I did drop husband. I was telling my husband like dude, I love my daughter so much. And I just don't want to inflict my fears on her Like the things that I went through, and sometimes I run up on her about stuff and she's like what?

Speaker 2: 20:51

And I'm like oh, I'm sorry, I've never even heard of that. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:53

I've never. I don't even know what you're talking about. So it's almost like now I'm not planting that damn seed in her and I gotta do.

Speaker 2: 20:59

I explain.

Speaker 1: 21:00

Do you try?

Speaker 2: 21:00

to explain, or you just act like I ain't saying it.

Speaker 1: 21:03

It depends on how inquisitive she is about it after I ran up on her about it. But if she like mama, okay, you're tweaking. Cool, I'm like yeah, I am All right, Are you hungry? Moving on, moving on. But the caregiver in me, that instinct of wanting everything to be okay, can sometimes be overbearing, and even, I'm sure, for my grandmother, right, yeah, and I'll share with them. Now I just share with you my great, or I share with your producer, my grandma she said producer. Y'all heard that.

Speaker 1: 21:37

Yeah, yeah, we got a producer I share with your producer that my grandma is actually in the hospital. I just found out last night my grandma, who moves at the speed of light. They admit her. What is it? They don't know. They just they're running tests right now. Right, they ruled out COVID, they ruled out pneumonia, they ruled out so many different things. But her temperature is so high they can't send her home, they can't get her temperature regulated. And it's just mind-blowing because I have a grandmother that is sharp right and when I spoke with her she seemed a little bit discombobulated and it and it, it crushed me. But I couldn't show her that because it's going to. I already know if she see me, all right, I already know she see me weak, it's gonna make her weaker. So I'm like I just got the phone, like, and then Get off the phone and let it out. Oh God, you did let it out when you got off the phone.

Speaker 2: 22:30

Right, I had to. It's my grandma.

Speaker 1: 22:31

I want you to, though it's my grandma. We literally just took our first right, my grandma, we just took our first and they cleared her like two weeks before her knee surgery and she said she wanted to film the trip and I said we're doing it and we did it and it was amazing. And she walked up and down the cruise ship and guess what? Everybody's on a cruise ship saying hey grandma, hey grandma, and before we knew it she was the cruise ship grandma.

Speaker 2: 23:02

So you're right, that's right.

Speaker 1: 23:04

She became that. So it's just living in those moments, literally like three or four weeks ago, and then this is just mind blowing. It's fast, it's fast.

Speaker 2: 23:12

That's what I was telling you, the, that the caregiving thing is so fast and for people who are not in it, it's unbelievable how quick it can occur. Ugh, and then emotionally, you still have. Not only do you have your daughter, but you have your career.

Speaker 1: 23:31

And I have a husband.

Speaker 2: 23:32

And a husband. One more time.

Speaker 1: 23:34

One more time.

Speaker 2: 23:35

I have all, and they like each other too. I don't know if y'all can tell it's a whole lot alike so, and, as everyone can see and hear, your personality is so bubbly and so uplifting. How, when you have those moments after where you cry or you let it out, is it then over? It come back. How do, how do you manage your self-care or your mental health with these different responsibilities?

Speaker 1: 24:09

for sure, it comes back. Um, for to be transparent, like my, I deal with my emotions like at three, four, five o'clock in the morning. I don't sound crazy. God wakes me up and and I deal with my emotions like at three, four, five o'clock in the morning. I know it sounds crazy. God wakes me up and I deal with it then, and then I have to go start my day.

Speaker 1: 24:23

It comes back, but I'm really keen on like, okay, god, I'm gonna give it to you and I'm gonna walk away, and so when it comes up, I literally don't address it with people. I'm not one of those people that you can keep talking to me about the same thing I said that earlier but not even my issue. Right? Don't keep bringing up my issue because I'm not giving life to it. So that's my, that's just my thing. I'm done with it. I know that what it's trying to do, but I also know what I'm manifesting against it. So I'm not going to keep reliving it with explaining it to someone else trying to get their opinion. I don't need that and you don't care and I do not.

Speaker 2: 25:02

That's what I need people to understand. When we get heavy in this caregiving world, we'll listen a little bit, but after we say, oh, I got it, thank you, I heard you Thank you for that suggestion, or whatever that means. That's enough, please. We don't want no more Exit stage left.

Speaker 1: 25:20

Thank you. Now, if you do think that you can do it better than me, or if there's something else by all means I'm okay with and I'm open enough and I'm not an ego-driven person Go do it, because I would love to have the low lifting. Yeah, you go do it lifting. But yeah, you gonna do it and that'll be somebody gotta get off the stage. Yeah, because, this is a one-man. Both of us. What a one man. Oh, no, pun intended yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 25:47

Come on now. Come on now. Um, your, your two grandmothers, that you, that uh, got their heavenly wings recently. What were their ailments? Or did they have ailments, or was anything described as what might have caused them to pass on?

Speaker 1: 26:04

So ironically, the 96-year-old. They say it was from COVID, complications of COVID. Right, and here it is. We're thinking that COVID is null and void. But COVID is obviously still alive and well and the older you are it's going to attack the immune system. So it was COVID, but she, you know, she was diabetic and that was it. That was it really with her. But COVID was the cause. And then my great-grandmother that passed after her, which is the one that I did more of the caregiving, loving on. Hers was man, she beat cancer, she had both. She had breasts removed. Hers was just organs and things failing, so just stuff, just shutting down kidneys, things failing right, so just stuff, just shutting down kidneys. It couldn't go back to chemo because it was just going. It wasn't going to help. Her body was refusing the chemo. So it was just like, okay, we knew yeah, and then it just happened, Exactly yeah, but with both of them that's what I'm saying With both of them I had a peace that I can't describe and you don't need to Uh-uh.

Speaker 2: 27:20

It was a peace, like uh, when you've had that peace, there actually aren't words, and I was explaining this to somebody not too long ago. They also asked me well, jay, how do you know? Okay, this was not about parents, no, but this is a point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you love him or not?

Speaker 2: 27:34

well, first of all, well, tell me why, list the things. And I said well, honey, if I can list the things on why I love you, then I'm not. I might love you and like you, but I'm not in love with you. Yeah, because it's that peace and that goody good that goes past all understanding when I know, oh, I'm in this, I'm in, I'm in this with my mama, my grandmama, this dude, whatever it is, I'm in it.

Speaker 1: 27:57

Yeah, and I can't describe it. I can't say I love you, because the way you buckle your shoe, the way you make the bag, it all sounds superficial and if they stop doing those things, then what the love turns off right, but it's that indescribable thing, that indescribable peace, and that's what it is. That's when it's good standing, that's when it's good yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:15

We uh, oh man, I just want to keep going. I gotta start wrapping this up.

Speaker 1: 28:22

Do you? Yeah, man, I want to spend the night. I know that's right. I want to stay.

Speaker 2: 28:25

Well, we do have something to drink. I don't want to parent down, I don't do it. Um, give, give us one, give the Parenting Up community one good story, a funny story, yeah, to you, okay, from either of your grandmothers, or more in your caregiving experience, where you, like, I cannot believe, even during all of this, and what we? You still got me laughing because of something.

Speaker 1: 28:55

She did well. Funny story my great-grandmother and my grandma came down for my daughter's 10th birthday and we said, hey, let's go to the sugar factory because my daughter wanted to go. I don't know why. Of course we know why.

Speaker 2: 29:08

Sugar factory.

Speaker 1: 29:09

First of all, I love the sugar factory. Okay, so go play. The kids love the sugar factory, so we'll go. Right, so we go to the sugar factory. My great-grandmother baby ain't even got no teeth in the mouth. Okay, she didn't have.

Speaker 2: 29:20

That's even better for ice cream and brownies, but she told me she wanted to surf and turf.

Speaker 1: 29:25

Yeah, we, like you, want to surf and turf. And my grandma looked at her and said mom, the surfing turf. And I said let her order it. We gonna. You know, we taking care of it.

Speaker 2: 29:38

Let her order it.

Speaker 1: 29:39

Baby, when I tell you she cut that, that that turf up and passed it out. We said you could have just ordered some mashed potatoes. She ate the lobster tail, right, because that was more softer, that steak. She did not. I don't even think she smelled the steak. She put that steak on everybody's plate. We, like you, could have literally just ordered something else, but she was adamant that she wanted the surfer turf because my grandma got the surfer turf.

Speaker 2: 30:03

So we were just laughing like because, ah, that's $150 or whatever that was, and you know what really just went down, though she said I can order this, now I can order this. Can you remember when she couldn't order that? Or she might not even been able to sit in a restaurant where they had that on the menu.

Speaker 1: 30:20

You're right. She was like that's what I'm ordering, that's what.

Speaker 2: 30:23

I'm getting. Y'all ain't ask me what I'm eating. Yeah, you asked me what.

Speaker 1: 30:25

I was ordering and then she ordered that baby. We just laughed the whole time Like baby I'm and whatever they're having.

Speaker 2: 30:34

And I might be helping you all in the kitchen watching dishes.

Speaker 1: 30:37

It's cool, but they're going to get two, but they're getting two serving turfs. So, yeah, just letting her live in the moment of whatever, and that's exactly what it was. Whatever she wanted to do, just let her do it. But she did it and didn't care. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 30:49

So she had some lobster and you all had some extra steak.

Speaker 1: 30:53

Yeah, baby, that's right, however, that goes All right.

Speaker 2: 30:56

Last. Oh, my God, I'm having so much fun, okay, so now I'm just I'm skipping to the final question because it's time to be final, okay, and we have to have Kelly Kelly's back, right, absolutely, I'm popping a wheelie. Yeah, I end each episode with a segment called the snuggle up. Oh, yes, iuggle up. Oh yes, I like it. Yes, it's not sexual. Oh, boo, I know, I just wanted to lower your expectations. I saw it with the way you rubbed my knee.

Speaker 1: 31:27

I rubbed my knee, yeah, and I was like I just want to bring you back down. What?

Speaker 2: 31:30

What.

Speaker 1: 31:33

The snuggle up.

Speaker 2: 31:34

So it is advice either to other caregivers, or you wish somebody would have told you, looking back on it, and you say you know what Caregiving will be easier. If you go on and snuggle up to this fact or this approach, it'll just make it Caregiving is going to always be easy.

Speaker 1: 31:58

If you just care to this fact or this approach, it'll just make it go better. Caregiving is going to always be easy if you just care right. You have to care and then the lifting will be easier. But if you look at it as if it's a chore, if you look at it as if it's an obligation, if you look at it anything besides positive, you're going to feel overwhelmed and drained, because those things, those feelings, come naturally. But if you look at it as a care, as a blessing, as an opportunity, as a privilege, then the low will be much lighter and people around you will feel it, and then the transition, however it ultimately turns out, will leave you feeling fulfilled versus feeling empty, overwhelmed and regretful. What Listen?

Speaker 2: 32:45

This is the Prince Rainmaker. For the end of the Snuggler.

Speaker 1: 32:49

That was the Snuggler right there.

Speaker 2: 32:51

That was good. And you know, Minnesota is closer to Wisconsin than it is to Georgia, so y'all are neighbors, kind of All right yeah.

Speaker 1: 33:01

We'll take it. I've been, I've been to the museum.

Speaker 2: 33:05

I love it Okay, when can people find you follow you? What's going on with Kelly Kells?

Speaker 1: 33:12

Please stay locked in on all things. Kelly Kells. I'm super proud of my journey. I have never been as proud of myself as I am now. My podcast is doing well through thick and thin. The podcast I just wrapped on a film featuring starring myself but just betting on myself. It's called Toxic Friends. That will be released on my birthday, october 29th. Shout out to all the Scorpios and just follow all things Kelly. Kellykellscom is the website. I have my lipstick. Okkk, I have the movement. I'm really her and yeah, it's just a season of giving back and it's a season of shift. So, kelly Kells, k-e-l-l-y, k-e-l-l-z. 22 on all social media platforms. If you follow my journey, you'll see me shifting and evolving to this new thing that I have nothing to do with, but it's happening.

Speaker 2: 34:04

Yeah, yeah, it's happening. It's better when we're not in charge, thank you, god, or in control, thank you. I usually screw it up.

Speaker 1: 34:10

I'm going to, because I'm going to try to make plans and preparations that don't even that don't even fit with what's next for me. So it's happening, Thank you for joining us, Kelly. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2: 34:22

This is an amazing outlet, the snuggle up. You notice I only said up, no ups this time because we had a lot going on. I'm going to give you one big old summary for my girl, kelly Kells Basically, stay in the moment and stay happy, because if you are a family caregiver, think of it as a blessing and an honor that you have the opportunity to love on someone who has loved on you. It doesn't really matter if they always loved on you. Well, maybe they did, maybe they didn't, but that's my takeaway from Kelly and I think it's damn worth considering. What's up y'all? I'm over here just mixing and scratching up stuff and reminding y'all Patreon is open. It is open and ready for you, you, you, you and your mom too. We are loading up things, all things Zetty, all things podcast, all things caregiving Behind the scenes, extra stuff.

Speaker 2: 35:42

J Smile's comedy is dropping with her own little collection within the J Smile Studio. Patreon, very, very soon. It'll be less than a month, but you want to go on and get in there, because there's exclusives. That's kind of time sensitive to whoever is in there first. We've already had live broadcasts for people who are already in and I'm going to be honest because of you know branding matters. So there's some stuff that I just can't say and do on the World Wide Web, that I can do in the Patreon pantry. So if you want to see and know and hear and experience more of what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my Patreon pantry.