Parenting UP! Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles

Some of Ya'll Suck at Supporting Caregivers

• Season 5 • Episode 7

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Happy National Family Caregivers Month!
 
That's right - in today's episode, we celebrate family caregivers and give tips on better supporting us! Whether it's helping out with everyday tasks, or reading articles that you think about sending us, before you forward our way - I just wanted to share some tips and tools you can use as the friend of a caregiver, or as a caregiver yourself.

This month, at the least, make sure to tell a caregiver how much you appreciate them. They will thank you!

Host: @jsmilescomedy
Producer: @MiaHallTV
Editor: @annelise9152  

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"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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Speaker 1:

family. This is nuts Okay, to me at least it's nuts. You know your person goes into the hospital, something's wrong with them, and then it's time for them to be let go discharged and go home. Go discharged and go home. What if there's no home to go to? What if nobody shows up to pick them up? What is supposed to happen? You can't just stay in the hospital forever, or can you? Does the city keep you? Does the state keep you? Do you just become automatically without a home, or unhoused? What in the whole hell? Anyway, today's guest is about to let us know what in the world goes down when a person might not have somebody to check on them. All right, come on, lean in, listen, watch. I mean, I'm going to make sure it's a little bit funny, but it hurts. It hurts to think about it.

Speaker 1:

Parenting Up caregiving adventures with comedian Dave Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler alert I started comedy because this shit is so heavy, so be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver, you are in the right place. Hi, this is Zeddy. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast, the hard truth about diabetes and dementia. The hard truth about diabetes and dementia. Our parenting up community is growing so fast I can't put out an episode as fast as we're growing. So text podcast to 404-737-1449 for updates, exclusives and suggestions on topics. While you're at it, share an episode with a caregiver you love. Review on Apple Podcasts and follow us on social media. Subscribe to our YouTube page, please. It really helps Parenting Up Community. Boy. We are about to have something special happen today. Welcome.

Speaker 2:

Timothy, thank you. Thank you so much. A pleasure to be here.

Speaker 1:

You have a unique combination. I don't think we've quite had anyone with your mix-up of talent and experience. This is going to be fun. You are a caregiver and you have a company that helps medical experts get it right for people like me. I cannot wait to dig into this a little bit more. So tell us about who it is you care for in your family.

Speaker 2:

So right now, yeah, so right now, my mom is our one remaining caregiving member that we have. So my mom has dementia. It's a type 2 diabetes-related dementia and it just comes from years and years of neglect and genes and the lottery and so it's been interesting. She has some, you know, interesting uh times and, um, you know we recently actually had a transitioner into uh into a community and the community has memory care and that sort of stuff for her uh when she progresses to that stage. But, um, you know there was a lot that was we had to do to set up for that and I worked with my sister, um, she was really great with that and you know that's been entertaining.

Speaker 2:

It's been a bit of an adventure, especially like the little things like you know, taking away the car keys and that sort of stuff. And you know, just it's been a time. But you know it kind of helps us with our work. You know we assist mainly we assist hospitals with finding placement options for very challenging patients and you know we and unfortunately a lot of times we see folks with dementia and Alzheimer's fall into that category. You know the family just isn't quite prepared or on the same page and you know, and insanity ensues after that.

Speaker 1:

Right Before we get into your company with your mom, you said dementia related type two diabetes. See, I knew you were about to give us something we hadn't talked about here before.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

So you tell me that your mom from diabetes actually slipped on a banana peel into dementia actually slipped on a banana pill into dementia. Please let us know how that happened Because, listen, I'm from the deep South. I know people aren't around here thinking that the sugar could lead them into forgetting stuff.

Speaker 2:

Please enlighten us, yep. So there's three things that typically happen to individuals who have type 2 diabetes. One is an increased risk of cancer, another one is typically increased risk of heart disease and a third is increased risk of dementia, and that actually takes up a big chunk of people. Isn't that crazy Right of people? And that crazy right? And but if you think about if your body isn't managing sugar properly, your brain is the one organ that, like says I need sugar because it needs the most of everybody, has so many things it has to do, has to operate on.

Speaker 2:

But if your body isn't managing that properly, um, that's going to lead to damage in the brain. You know, just, I just simply to see it as easy as that right and so and so that carries on into, like you know, issues like with dementia. So if you mentioned so, if you mix that also with, like how you're getting your, your carbs, like is it through alcohol or something like that, then we, then we see it targeted on top of that to like lewy body dementia. So you have, like you become violent, that sort of stuff different types of dementia on top of that. So, yeah, it's not, it's not fun, but yeah, it's, and now that we're seeing that much more commonly associated, where hospitals will actually say this is a type 2 type of diabetes, associated dementia, as opposed to the patient just has straight up dementia or whatever it may be, they're actually clarifying this in many cases and, if you think about it, there's a tremendous amount of med management that you have to do for somebody.

Speaker 2:

Does a dementia patient want to be pricked Right? It's like no, no, they don't. Those are going to be challenges that you have to deal with and stuff like that. So, getting that know, getting that sugar under control before, yeah, go ahead. Sorry.

Speaker 1:

No, did you mention that? Remember, I'm a comedian? Did you just say, oh, depending on how you get your carbs, say, if it's alcoholism or if you're drinking, I was like, well, that's a way to get your carbs. I know a lot of people who get their carbs through their drinking and it can get out of control sometimes and I don't know that any of them have thought through this could lead. You know, people have thought about or talk about.

Speaker 1:

I should say this I don't know what they're thinking, but they've thought about maybe liver damage, cancer, oh yeah you know kidney liver problems, cirrhosis of the liver, but not, oh man, I'm, you know, about to break my brain, which is what I affectionately call yeah, but I never really put that.

Speaker 2:

I never put, like you know, some types of dementia together with you know, with you know excessive drinking and stuff like that. Uh, and yeah, I grew up in florida and georgia, right, I mean it's kind of like I mean, what else are you going to do on a saturday, right? I mean like like hello, you know, I never like really kind of put that together until I started working in health care and and I said, yeah, person has a history of drinking, they have dementia. And I remember a nurse was saying no, no, absolutely not. Just stay away. Stay away because that person is going to turn on you in a second and they're not going to know why. And it's because, yeah, because they just lose all regulation of you know, anger control and that sort of stuff. So, and that's a whole different type of dementia, a Lewy body dementia, and that's what scares a daylight self provider so much so we've had a fair share of those.

Speaker 2:

I'm surprised. I'm surprised she doesn't, because I mean I love my mom to death but she for 20 years she had a diet of Miller Light and Jujubes right, that was her diet. You know, and like you would find like jujubes, like in her house. We find jujubes like all over the place still and it's been like you know years. Right, you know it's like like my goodness now like miller light, I mean that's like really. I mean I don't know if you could really count that as beer. It's not the strongest. But to continuously like you'll be drinking like you know a couple and stuff like that. And you know, you know, a night I didn't like really think that like whatever was like a problem or anything. Until like, until I had a friend of mine over, I was a little kid and, um, my, my best friend, whole world, and his first night. He comes over and spends the night and he goes back home. We're hanging out the next day and he says I have some questions about your family.

Speaker 1:

I was like well, what is it?

Speaker 2:

He's like well, I don't think they're alcoholics, but they do drink a lot.

Speaker 1:

I was like really it's a light beer.

Speaker 2:

I was like what's it going to be? It's like you know, and it's kind of like I was talking to my sister like a little while ago.

Speaker 1:

It was just like yeah, we yeah, our parents.

Speaker 2:

I drink like a lot, like I don't know if they were, but you know my mom definitely is, you know, having some of the issues with it, you know nowadays and stuff especially with type 2 diabetes and her, her dementia. So yeah, it was like it made some for some, for some interesting moments. But yeah, we'll still, we'll find candy in the house for for ages. I'm pretty sure whoever owns this house next is gonna have like, gonna find like random boxes of jujubes hidden, stashed away it's like it will be a delayed easter egg hunt, or like a treasure finder or whoever.

Speaker 2:

And the crazy thing is they stopped making those like years ago.

Speaker 1:

It's like they're like this they may not even know what it is they're like. What is this?

Speaker 2:

thing. Is it pet food? Is it goldfish?

Speaker 1:

Yeah Right, what symptoms did your mom display to let you or what other family members say think that she needed medical intervention? Ok, this is not just mom acting a little wonky or a little quirky from her Miller light and her juju bees. This is something more serious.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, I was taking place and we were taking care of my dad, right, and we started to notice that she was like you know, she's paying attention to my dad. My dad had cancer. My dad had liver cancer. There's a clad skin tumor. I mean he's going to die.

Speaker 2:

I mean it's, you know, it's just he put up like a hell of a fight, but you know, but she was like so involved in that and she really wasn't even like taking care of herself at all and, um, and mind you, she didn't really take care of herself beforehand. Um, and so that that really kind of like accelerate everything, the stress and dealing with all that, um, your body just isn't going to hold up to it. Very well, and you know, and she was, you know she was forgetting things. You know, she was like you know leaving, you know it's, you know not one thing. Like you know leaving the stove on, but it know leaving, you know is you know not one thing like you know leaving the stove on, but it's nothing entirely.

Speaker 2:

Like you know forgetting how to drive a car and you know, and nearly running somebody over who was my son at the time, and then that's kind of like how we jerked the keys away. We're like, yeah, no, that's, you don't get to drive anymore. Or just like not paying attention to the speed limit, like at all, you know, to the speed limit, like at all. It's like when you're loading up in a car and mom's assisting on driving and stuff like that, and you're positioning everybody in a car and basically on who you love the most, right, the ones that really care about it are going to sit in the back.

Speaker 1:

Well, you didn't clean up the rest. Go ahead and sit next to mom all right. Keep the window down so you can jump out, just in case you need to tuck it all.

Speaker 2:

You want one hand up and you don't have the other one on the seat belt, in case you have to jump exactly?

Speaker 1:

did she realize? Go ahead, no, no.

Speaker 2:

No, no, she didn't, no, she didn't realize it was going on. You don't? You don't really I mean cause, you know, and and and once and once. Once individuals do realize it's usually too late. She, she, we were watching, we were watching Braveheart. One time my mom's from Scotland. She was from Glasgow, right, but she was like she's. She would spend like four hours in Scotland, you know, but she considers herself Scottish you know, and she grew up in Scotland Four hours.

Speaker 2:

That's funny, literally like yeah, yeah, like she popped out, they got onto a plane. They were like in the airport and then they left right I mean, or boat, whatever they took, because it was like the 40s, right, and so the um. So we're watching braveheart, which is I mean, my mom it treats it as a comedy um, because it's not like really factually accurate, like at all. It's like not close. And but there's one scene my mom's from glasgow and she's always been very proud of glasgow and there's like a rival city called Edinburgh in Scotland. That's kind of like the New York versus Boston type of rivalry, right, and my mom and sister and it says in a cute little like dementia starting to kick in voice oh, they filmed it on location, like when they were showing like Edinburgh, and it's like, you know, it's like they're all like wearing kilts and it's like mud and it's like you know, the 13th century, but yeah, she can recognize it as it being Edinburgh, like nothing ever changed.

Speaker 2:

And we just like I mean she was like very like sweet about it, but we just everyone's like I just busted out laughing at it. You know, it's like it was pretty, it was pretty good. So you get like those kind of like moments. But you know, it was like we're not like quite connected, but those are that's kind of like a tale, like okay, like we're we're not putting the pieces together here and that sort of stuff. So it was it's. It has to be a lot of Hopefully.

Speaker 1:

That's good dry humor. I think David Letterman would have appreciated that comment. Absolutely, absolutely. How many years?

Speaker 2:

since her diagnosis. About five, about five years.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and we really worked pretty hard to get her sugar intake under control. Grocery shopping is fun with her. Let me tell you, you are the devil. She wants to buy every single candy, that there is every single alcohol. Now she's in a community. They're like, well, they let me have alcohol and drink whatever I want in the community. I'm like, no, they fucking don't. No, they don't like, trust me on this one. Like they're just giving you grape juice, mom, or cranberry juice, okay. It's like no, no, that's like not happening, of course. It's like and then?

Speaker 2:

And then you'll find like there's like, yeah, they'll have, like people like stashed away beer, because they do just like like in alfs, they will serve alcohol, you know, because I mean, they want to be like, you know, fun like that, but they're not supposed to give it to everybody. And she's like on that list, like absolutely do not, because she will start dancing on tables. Um, yeah, don't do that. Yeah, she's, she is, she is the party. Um, she has to have the attention and that's the other thing like dimension, those, those types of behaviors can really start to come out more. Um, if, if your loved one was like a little bit manipulative beforehand, that's gonna really kind of kick into high gear. They're really gonna be more and more manipulative as it progresses. You know, my mom's my mom's always trying to pull something between me and my sister like all the time. It's just like she's our mom.

Speaker 2:

So are you awful children? We're gonna. How could you do this? You're the worst people ever. I'm like like, are you kidding?

Speaker 1:

like seriously, like, like, like I like I don't get it Are you and your sister, typically on the same page with your mom's care.

Speaker 2:

Oh, absolutely Same page, same medication, same alcohol, same everything. Yeah, we match really good.

Speaker 1:

It doesn't always happen that way it's just like.

Speaker 2:

It's just like it is you have a parenting up, right, you can't, you can't. You and your spouse have to be on the same page with your children, right? Well, you and your siblings have to be on the same page. Your parents, because, especially my mom, because she's like pretty manipulative, she will twist it, she tries to pit us against each other. Like are you kidding me? Like how messed up is that? Like you know, and so like there'll be times where she's like she's only talking to like one of us. On top of that, you know. So like, right now, I'm the bad child. Like what the hell did I do?

Speaker 1:

Will she tell you that she's upset with you, or does she only let your sister know?

Speaker 2:

usually only tells the other, only tells the other one. And the thing is, you want to know what it is that I got to be the bad one for?

Speaker 1:

usually in this case yeah.

Speaker 2:

so my, we have my mom, like has her like credit cards still and that sort of stuff, and she was spending a lot and, um, you know, that's, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna spend yourself down. You know, really quickly, that's not an option we really want. So we it wasn't even like a discussion, it was just like we're going to take the credit cards away. My sister took the credit cards away and we give her a bank card. That could be you could add value to it, ok, you could put like cash on it, whatever, so that could cover her needs and so she doesn't end up broke. And the and my mom got like like furious at my sister for that at first, but then turned it towards us when I, when I was talking to my mom and just totally I said no, that's exactly what it was, because give you, give you a week and you would be flat broke because you buy like everything like like. And that happens too, like you know, because you're trying to. Sometimes people are trying to fill in, like you know, sort of like a loss, like you know sort of like a loss, or like you know some sort of like connection that they're looking for and you know you get that instant gratification when you buy something, right? So you know you'll see people buy things a lot. You know, my mom was like that.

Speaker 2:

We had a case where it was like that was at the hospital and the guy had like freaking Amazon Prime boxes throughout his room because he'd been ordering shit on Amazon. He, he or he'd been in the hospital for so long. The guy ordered a Roomba. The guy ordered a Roomba and he had the. The Roomba was like going around the hospital. I was like that's really kind of cool. You guys have a Roomba in here. They're like no, the patient ordered that. He's like and I get up to him and he's like yeah, I felt like it should have helped tidy up the place. You're kidding me, dude? He'd been there for so long. You know it was like you go in there. It was like you know, there's probably about 60 Amazon boxes that hadn't even been opened yet, right? And he's trying to like yeah, he's a dementia guy, but he's just trying to feel that need you know? Kind of like, oh, you got something.

Speaker 1:

No one stopped him Like a nurse. Well, I guess for the room. But they were like, hey, this is benefiting us.

Speaker 2:

The CFO's probably like wow, we're saving labor hours here.

Speaker 1:

thanks, Absolutely. Let's talk about your company. Let's talk a little bit about your company. You have um a special expertise because, yes, you're in health care. That is a broad, broad umbrella. You actually let me, let me see if I can um get it right, because it sounds really cool to me, but I'm going to say it in very casual terms. Just think of whatever.

Speaker 2:

It's fine, I'll agree with it. Go for it.

Speaker 1:

Feed unicorns and help caregivers sleep at night.

Speaker 2:

If I do, I tuck them in. I tuck them in, it's just. You want to have them pointing the other way? Yeah, because the poop sparkles and therefore don't really I tuck him in.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's just you want to have them pointing the other way, right yeah, because the poop sparkles and therefore don't really but you your company assist hospitals with a patient after they leave the hospital.

Speaker 2:

So upon In order to actually in order to get them out. So they're stuck in the hospital, no one's taking them, the family's given up, they're exhausted, right, and they're at their wit's end. Or there's needs that the patient has that the community can't address, they can't, they can't match it.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

In steps, tim, because a family, there's a patient and they don't know whether they should be going to rehab or a nursing home or they should go home, or if there is a home and there there's not a family or some person who's healthy enough to come and actually pick them up. Think about how many of us would never have crossed that journey of saying like I've been in the hospital I've had nine surgeries and I've been in the hospital a lot of other times I've never had to wonder who was coming to pick me up or if I had a place to go and recover.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's what I mean. It's like if you think about it, if you're the patient.

Speaker 2:

It's pretty shitty, right.

Speaker 1:

I mean, it's like you're like, like nobody cares, like, think about if you're the patient. It's pretty shitty right.

Speaker 2:

I mean, it's like you're like like there's no, like nobody cares, like you know, you're like what the hell you know? And and will it be like a? So you have like skilled nursing, right, and that's like you're going to go into there, and so skilled nursing, nursing homes are basically the same thing, and you're going to get rehab for a brief period of time, and you may end up being a resident there. That's the last option that we want, because it's the most expensive and the quality of life is pretty low. And then you have like assisted living. It's basically a landlocked party ship for seniors, but you can get some rehab and that sort of stuff going on with them. But really, the best option, though, is always for the person to return home to a point, right, and that's what we try to look to set up too, but you know, for more and more folks, they just don't have that. They just don't have that social support, they don't have that family support, or the family just doesn't know what to do next, and they drained all their resources or their availability. They've totally broken. They're like, just whatever, we don't care, I've sent them out of state. That's fine, which really sucks.

Speaker 2:

So we try to work with families and the patients to well, the hospitals, to get these issues mitigated so that we can get the show on the road, because you don't want to be in a hospital. After you've been in a hospital for 20 days, nothing good is going to happen. It's impossible. You're not like nothing's going to happen. We've seen like the craziest shit we saw, like beds, like literally, like just like random things that we saw like a bed like flip on a patient one time, like, like, really like that. Yeah, it broke the patient's spine right and it wasn't. It wasn't anything. We've seen like, yeah, like, like, just like crazy, like actual, genuinely like crazy shit. But we also seen like what we're staff or is like you know, you're putting a burden on the hospital to continue to bring I mean to to get, provide care just for that hospital and turn on the lights for your room at $800.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

It's like the shittiest hotel ever, right?

Speaker 2:

I mean it is it's like well.

Speaker 1:

No rooftop bar, cream corn and ginger ale what have been?

Speaker 2:

The bar is crap. The bar is crap. The bar is crap.

Speaker 1:

The valet sucks. They don't ever really know where your car is.

Speaker 2:

Lost my car, totally lost. Oh yeah, I lost the patient's car one time. I ended up at another hospital what that's a different? And ended up at another hospital. What that was a different story, different story another day. Oh yeah, this guy ended up at another hospital. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

What has been one of the more challenging cases for you.

Speaker 1:

Give us an example of a challenging case, because I got to tell you the majority of my listeners or my viewers they are family caregivers for a loved one, so they are individuals who have taken on the responsibility or are seriously considering it.

Speaker 1:

So they are not the individuals who have tapped out quite yet, but it doesn't mean that they may not reach the end of their rope, so they may need to have this information and or pass it along to someone else. So this is kind of I want to be able to. I want individuals to have the knowledge to say, hey, if I'm at my wit's end, because the one thing I think about is this Tim, yes, the first thing is for a dementia patient or anyone to be able to live and recover at home right, but if, for some reason, you can't provide safe and adequate care, don't bring the person home. Don't bring them home and abuse them or neglect them. So it's better to be in touch with someone like yourself and your company. So give us, please, an example of when you should like, an example of a case that is.

Speaker 2:

Perfect for you. That's what I think I mean. Yeah, well, so we want to avoid me being called? Ok, we don't want me being called because there's there's. It's never a good situation. So what we want to do?

Speaker 2:

Um, when we have it doesn't matter if your loved one has dementia or Alzheimer's or not. Um, let's get a decision maker, a legal decision maker, in place sooner rather than later. Um, it doesn't matter if you're married or whatever. Make sure there's a document that says this is who my decision maker is going to be. Right, so you have a power of attorney, a durable power of attorney, ideally, and you can get these done. Actually, the healthier you are, the cheaper it is, and I would do this with an attorney.

Speaker 2:

The other thing is you're going to want to look into a trust. I don't care if you make $700 a month on Social Security or if you make $7,000 a month on Social Security. You're going to want to look at a potential for there to be a trust involved in this. What do you need for a trust? And then the other thing is you're going to look at your state's requirements for Medicaid, because, at the end of the day, if you have a trust, you have a power of attorney and if you have a plan to get onto Medicaid, that means that there's going to be a long-term care payer for you and we're not going to be burdening the family right, or you're, or you're not going to be burdened by your loved one when they need, when they need this assistance because we got it, we got a payer. And if I'm a company I used to, I used to oversee skilled nursing facilities I would much rather get paid by the state, even though it's going to be less than a private pay, than by an individual who I have to sit there and bill and chase down every single month for the rent. I would rather be paid by state and say it's on time, I know exactly how much it's going to be. You know so that those are the things we want to try to do to kind of avoid.

Speaker 2:

So our toughest case, case ever and it wasn't like somebody who had like a criminal background or you know, or as a vent dialysis patient or this, like huge, massive clinical complexity it was this 60 some odd year old lady. She's not even 65 yet. She has, she has a little bit of a bipolar issue, and you know she's, she's married and has some kids, right, the kids are quite ready to take care of her. They're not quite old enough. And the husband's a little bit worn down, right, and he's. We later found out he was freaking over it, dude. It was like he. He went awol, he was nowhere. He found that was part of it, right. So, like, we're trying to reach out and communicate with this guy and he's not. He's not following up with us. So, okay.

Speaker 2:

So we gotta like figure out who's gonna pay for this, because there's no. She's in a hospital. There's no reason to keep her in a hospital and there's nothing for the hospital for to do, and there's meaning that medicare isn't going to pay for her stay in a nursing home afterwards. You have to have a reason to be in a nursing home. Besides, there's no other place for you to go. You have to have, like she's going to go work on her hip or whatever is.

Speaker 2:

I meet this lady like in person, because I show up and the nurse like sits there and says to me she's like, um, and she's been there. She's like one of those nurses that's been there like a while. She's like don't fall in love, like what. So there's something I'm missing here, right? You know I kind of like look through the meds and that sort of stuff Nothing crazy. You know. There's like there's no, like how it all? Sarah Quill or anything like that. She hasn't been restrained or that I go. Now we sit there, we have this lovely conversation for this lady, sweetest lady in the world, right, I'm like this is going to be freaking easy. Like what's the big deal? She's been denied by a lot of places. Yeah, that's fine because her payer is not great, but we got the payment situation squared away, you know.

Speaker 2:

And once we did get the information from. The kids were able to help us get the information for Medicaid. We were able to get into a building, right, because now the building knows they're going to get paid and so she gets transferred. I should have kind of realized that something was up when the hospital transferred her late at night, right. So the hospital transferred her after dinner hours, right. So that's usually like okay, that's not a good sign.

Speaker 2:

The hospital wants her out for some reason and she gets to the new facility and I get a call from that facility about two o'clock in the morning and uh, which is really uncommon and uh, and they're not that far away. They're, they're only like about 30 minutes away. So like like, well, I'll just I'll go there and check it out, see what's going on. She's running around naked with her soil filled diaper, going like this in the hallways and that sort of stuff. And so the hospital, I like, left off some information about her medications. Family wasn't really too willing to share that information with the hospital either. The hospital sort of discovered it. I get to her room and she has. She had taken her soil diaper and spelled out h-e-l-l in there and I said she misspelled hello and she's just like, I mean she's screaming up and down the hallway like a banshee and stuff like that, you know.

Speaker 2:

And so eventually we get you get a primary care physician in and we talked to them about the advantages of the Heldol patch that's going to last a month for her and get her settled down a little bit. But the fact that there was no communication between the family and the hospital that was that was made things very challenging. Had the family and the hospital been communicating, that would have been. That would have helped out a lot and especially if you ever have to go to hospital, your best friend it's not the nurse, it's not the physician, it's not the freaking CFO or whoever is. That's going to be a nice person to know. They might pick up your lunch bill, but it's actually. It's that case manager, right, and and that's the person who's coordinating all the care. That that's that's been going on both inside the hospital for your loved one and outside the hospital. That's the person you need to be up with, friends with okay, hold on, tim, you got.

Speaker 1:

Come on, timothy, you got it. You said you gave us a mouthful here and you got to talk really slow for those of us who just finished first grade. Case manager where do we even find the case manager? How do we get to him? Who do we ask?

Speaker 2:

yeah, there is this magical person. Yeah, there is this magical person. Yeah, there is this magical person in the hospital.

Speaker 1:

When do we go and get this case manager person?

Speaker 2:

In the ER? Right, they are in the ER and that person is actually really is the decision maker on whether or not you get admitted into the hospital or not. It is the case manager. The physicians can have input. The physicians can say, yeah, we're going to order therapy for this individual, but it's really, it's the case manager. That's the person you need on your side more than anyone. You need and you need to work with that person. So that person is like the movie producer Everybody else, of course, your loved one is the star of the movie, but you doctors are the different directors, the nurses are the writers and that sort of stuff, right, but the producer of the film that's going to be your case manager and that's going to change from position in the hospital to position in the hospital. So the ER case manager is going to be different than the ICU or the med surge case manager and so forth. Those are all different case managers, but those are the people generally. Those are. They're different people, but that's the person you need to know, um, you know, and that's the person you need to be on the same page with.

Speaker 2:

You know, it's usually a very stressed out individual. They're usually hiding in a corner around the nurse's station, shrouded in darkness. They're stressed out. They've usually had about six people yell at them just before they've spoken to you. They just took turns like all yelling at them.

Speaker 2:

The reality of it is, though without case management and central services, the hospital does not operate. There's't, there's no reason. They're just. It's just a big building. They organize all this, all this pandemonium, and get your loved one out, and that person has, like, the final say. And really, in what type of care they're going to get outside the hospital? At least they have the final say on the hospital side. So that's your best friend. Yeah, bring that person, your best friend. Yeah, bring that person. You know alcohol. They're usually good with chocolate. They're usually good with pens, all those types of things. Right, barter with them. You know, because you don't, I mean, you don't want to talk to you know the 20-year-old nurse who, just you know, broke up with their boyfriend that they've been dating for 10 minutes. That person's not going to tell you, um, you know what's going on with your mom.

Speaker 1:

They don't know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, sorry, sorry. They're really smart, though they are like wicked smart. They know everything.

Speaker 1:

They're really smart and they have a lot of energy. They have a lot of energy, but it doesn't mean that they're going to get what you need. So that is, that is oh, man.

Speaker 2:

Go ahead, patients they need to see, and then they got to move on right, because they got to either go visit patients somewhere else back at their office or whatever. They got too much. This isn't their job. They're like, yeah, okay, I can order those meds. Okay, next, next, let's go. It really is, it's an assembly line for them. Case management is the one that is really kind of getting things down to the minute.

Speaker 1:

Well, Tim, this has been fascinating and informative and funny at times, even though I know it may have been some hardships it's so messed up. Oh, I'll never forget, I'll never forget that, lady Hardships along the way, but some really silly stuff service area and or how they find a company like yours, depending on what state or what country they may be in, how they make sure that they're covered.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so we are national. Our company is ATP Healthcare. We work with a lot of health systems already, primarily in Florida, georgia, california, texas right now. But you can ask your case manager if they have placement specialists and there are placement companies that do this and they receive a fee from an assisted living company for referring your loved one to their community. That's not how we operate, because we essentially those individuals. We're seeing them as being sold to the highest bidder. We are actually hired by either the hospital, the insurance company or the family and we work with them for six-month period blocks on the transition for their loved one, and so we stay with that family for six months.

Speaker 2:

But what I kind of explained earlier about making sure that the power of attorney, that sort of stuff's in place, that we've looked into Medicaid, a trust, those things are really kind of key.

Speaker 2:

You need to get those set up and you don't need somebody like me to do that.

Speaker 2:

And once you do that, then then you're, then then you're halfway there. Okay, if you have a clinical issue or a criminal background or something like that, that's, you know, that's more the type of individual we work with on private, privately, you know. So that's that's not a problem either, um, but yeah, the best way is just contact us through atbhealthcarecom on our website and you just fill out a form. Uh, it keeps you pretty private and you can share information with us that way on how you want to be contacted, um, you know, or you can reach out to us directly on our phone. That's also on the, on the uh, on the website too. On the website too, we are working on a chat bot for the website and which you will just be able to. Hopefully, in the next few months it'll be up and where you'll just be able to ask it questions and it's going to have a nice little conversation with you. We're still working on some bugs on it, but that should be able to help individuals out.

Speaker 1:

Well, this is what I want to say. You are welcome back anytime. Thank you so much for the work that you do, not only as a caregiver because we are all connected by soul and spirit and elbows in this thing, this journey of being a family caregiver but even, by extension, what you do professionally to make sure that individuals are placed somewhere If, for some reason, they don't have a home where they can return, the fact that you do all you can to get them placed somewhere that is adequate and safe and sound, that's amazing.

Speaker 2:

So thank you very much. I mean no problem. I mean if somebody, if somebody called you and they ask you for help, you're supposed to help, Right, yes, Right, it's just. I mean that's. I mean that's what it is Right. So, and someone needs help, so you just, you just help them. Fantastic Well you take care. You take care you do the same.

Speaker 1:

All right, hon Bye, let's snuggle up. Number one type 2 diabetes can push you into dementia. Damn it, listen, what the hell is this dementia doing? To us looks like everything and everywhere all around. Everything and everywhere all around is just ending up at dementia land Pass. Go, get $200 and get dementia. Is that the new game we playing now?

Speaker 1:

I remember when Zeddy had the catastrophic event of my daddy's death that pushed her LB into it. I didn't know that a sudden calamity could cause it. They were like oh yeah, jace Melton can. And now Timothy has let us know that his mom's type 2 diabetes absolutely led to her dementia and that it's not just her, that this is a known thing. They just hadn't let us known it thing. They just hadn't let us known it. So if you have type two diabetes, or if you know some with it, someone with it, blah, blah, blah, please get them to keep it in check. Right, like it doesn't have to run amok. Your type two diabetes can be managed. Please manage it, because you don't need to go from diabetes into dementia.

Speaker 1:

Number two Everyone isn't wanted. Ah, that's so hard and ugly to say, but everybody doesn't have a family or a loved one or a neighbor or a community who cares, therefore, as a family caregiver. You're listening, you're watching, watching. That's hilarious. You're listening and we're going to Watching. That's hilarious. You're listening and we're going to keep all this in here, because that's what we do at the Parenting Up podcast. Right, this is the point. We are human and shit happens, just like that. Blah, blah, blah, blah. That Jace Mouse just happened to do. You're a part of this village, so you're listening or you're watching. You're a part of this village, so you're listening or you're watching. So you do care for someone with dementia or some other debilitating disease, but, man, everybody that is suffering doesn't have a. You Give yourself credit for that. Give yourself credit for that. Give yourself credit for caring, even on a bad day, even when you get the doctor's appointments incorrect, or maybe you, oh man, I forgot mom and dad's shoes.

Speaker 1:

I brought the slippers instead of the sneakers. Whatever, I forgot the name of the doctor. Whatever, I forgot to give mom her favorite juice. I gave her water instead, and now she won't drink anything. Whatever, I forgot to call back the insurance company. You guessed it. Let me hear it Right.

Speaker 1:

Whatever, you at least are showing up and you care Because, as Timothy, let us know there are some people who are left in the hospital and nobody even shows up to discharge them. Oh man, but truth be told, that could happen to any of us at any moment in time, because, as my grandmother, zeddy's mom, told me over and over again, nobody owes you anything, no one, not your mama, not your daddy, anything that is ever done for you. It is a choice that someone decided in that moment in time to care for you. So, listen, the fact that you choose to care is a big, freaking deal. And if no one told you recently thank you for, day in and day out, choosing to care for your LO, even when you don't want to, you do it any damn way.

Speaker 1:

Number three what have you done for yourself today, not yesterday, not last week, not last year, today this day, I don't care if it was 30 seconds or 30 minutes what have you done for yourself? I'm a pause for five seconds and I want you to say it out loud, wherever you are now, if you didn't say anything, boo, and I want you to do something for yourself before you go to sleep tonight. It could be five minutes of a crossword puzzle Watch, five minutes of a television show or something streaming that you like, a music video, sing a song that you like, pull the song up and sing along. Take a bath, massage your own feet with lotion something for yourself, hell, maybe actually go to bed. If you're a caregiver, just going to bed is a big freaking deal. Okay, don't let me down. I'm depending on you to take care of you. All right, what's up? Family? Share this episode right here with the caregiver you love. Review on apple podcast. Follow us on social media and please subscribe to our youtube channel.