Festive Frenzy! Holidays with Zetty

We know that you may think Zetty was from the south and surely was known for some famous recipes we grew up enjoying - but that's not exactly what I remember about my mom during the holidays. Zetty may not have been baking holiday treats, but one thing she did make sure to do was go shopping for her loved ones - and take me and my cousins with her. 

Join me as I reminisce on out-of-the-ordinary shopping adventures with my mama and cousins. My mom worked very hard during the year and didn't have much time to shop for birthdays and anniversaries, but during the last six weeks of the year, it was go time!  

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Chapters

• 0:00 Caregiving Adventures With Zeddy
• 17:52 Reflecting on Caregiving Memories
• 25:17 Reconnecting With Past Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

My mama comes in me and she fussing at my cousin these are all white. That's so boring. I don't want to give all white tennis shoes to Uncle So-and-so. Why would you do that? I don't think you tried hard at all. I think you just want to hurry up and rush to get to the Krispy Kreme. These are the kind of conversations she was having with middle schoolers. Lady, you know what you could do. You could hire some real shoppers and let us go outside and play.

Speaker 1: 0:34

Parenting up. Caregiving adventures with comedian Jay Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat Spoiler alert. This shit is heavy. That's why I started doing comedy. So be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver. You are in the right place. Hi, this is Zeddy. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast, is that okay? My Daughters Podcast Is that okay?

Speaker 1: 1:33

Today's reporter shout-out comes from Zeddy To JG Parenting Up community. Go with me on this one. This is something that I know for sure. My mom would say if she had the wherewithal. She would say something like huh JG baby, I'm so proud of you and this is so good. You won the Boss Her Award in honor of your outstanding leadership. Janae J Smile Smith. Elite entertainer presented October 17th 2024. 24. I am certain that Zetty would be over the moon that I received this award for my work as a comedian and a podcaster, a philanthropist and an advocate for caregivers and Alzheimer's awareness. So, on behalf of Zetty and I believe her, her social media handle would be Maverick8. Thank you, zetty.

Speaker 1: 2:53

Festive frenzy holidays with Zetty Parenting up family. Zetty had one time a year that was so important. We called it Zedster, zeddy, zedmeister, all that kind of stuff, and it was the holidays. It was somewhere around the third or fourth week of November through the first week of January. It didn't matter what year it was, it didn't matter where we were in the world, it didn't matter what the temperature was. It was Zeddy time, it was go time, it was OK. We went from being broke in my lifetime to having what I'm going to call non broke money. Now I ain't talking, we're not super wealthy like over there, like with oil money where you can go buy an island and all that kind of stuff I'm talking about, no matter how many monies were or were not in the bank. That was Zeddy's time of year, you know how people would say, for the NBA players, or shall I say NBA fans, jordan and June, if you like basketball, michael Jordan and June that just meant Jordan in the playoffs.

Speaker 1: 4:09

What's hilarious is Zayden didn't cook. So you would think it's the South. She's a Southern woman. Oh, I bet she had a recipe. Hell, no, her recipe was shopping, but not for herself. S&p was shopping but not for herself, and she didn't want to get what was on your list. Can y'all believe that? So she would make everybody give her a list. So you had to give a list of everything that you think you didn't get all the rest of the year, for your birthday, your anniversary, whatever, because she may have missed all them other days your birthday, your wedding anniversary, anything like that. She might have missed that and she didn't really care.

Speaker 1: 5:00

But those last six weeks or so of the calendar year, baby, she was coming in strong In Zeddy's mind. She was about to make up for the whole other 11 months that she may or may not have made it to any of your events. If you had a housewarming. She probably wasn't there because what Zeddy was at work, she is still making up for whatever Dr King's dream that he didn't finish. She got to go to work but not them last six weeks. It is time to show everybody whatever she didn't get done.

Speaker 1: 5:37

But this to catch y'all why your girl get you to make a list of all the things you wanted or didn't get, but she didn't really adhere to the list. Then it was good for saying okay. So JG says she wants a computer and a pair of boots and a leather coat. She don't need no boots, she'll just decide off of your list what she don't really think you need In the mall. Or even better than that, if your girl has and I'm licking my finger and folded, I'm dog earring I'm folding back the corners of the magazine my mama flew so much Delta Airlines. She exclusively flew Delta Airlines, and not because she's a member of Delta, sigma, theta, sorority Incorporated, but because from Montgomery Alabama, going through Atlanta, either you flew Delta or you were going to ride the bus. Either it's Delta or Greyhound. So who the hell wants to fly Greyhound? That sounds stupid. So SkyMile magazine.

Speaker 1: 6:53

Before the internet, you could get the cutest, most unique gifts out of SkyMile magazine. Zetty was infamous for deciding somewhere around September and October what she thought whoever in the family really needed. That they didn't know nothing about because they weren't flying as much as she was. And she saw it in this magazine that she was picking the color and the size. So people who might not have even known the thing exists, she getting them like stamp collectors. Oh, I just thought this would be. You know you were going to retire and this Zeddy is like moving her shoulders left and right like a little Southern belle. You know how you were talking about retiring next year. Well, they have this book of stamps and I have gotten it for you. So you will be able to have a new hobby. This lady might not auntie so-and-so, who I'm calling. This lady might not have given a damn about stamps her whole life, but Zeddy has fallen in love with this thing in the Sky Miles magazine, sky Mall magazine, excuse me. And Zeddy thinks that when she retires she would like to collect stamps. So she's thinking auntie might like to do it. Y'all get your girl Zeddy.

Speaker 1: 8:14

Jj says she wanted some boots. How come I can't get the boots? Well, jj, look at this. Look what mama found this. Look what mama found. Look at this. This is a calculator that's pocket size, that has rhinestones on it and, like y'all know anybody who's like a real accountant or whatever, you know how they had a little tape with the little paper on it on the back. So she's getting me that because she's like that's what mama has. So now you and mommy can match. I don't want to match. I don't need the little tape at the end. I'm doing regular math. Nobody at my school has asked me to ever have these little tape things. But this is how she went about spending the last six weeks of the year, every year.

Speaker 1: 9:08

But she was so sweet and so loving. She didn't cuss, she didn't drink, she didn't smoke, she didn't try to take nobody man. She didn't even take nobody's number from nobody else. It's a man who's trying to hit on her. So nobody ever told her hey, why didn't you just get stuff that was on my list? Now I will say this the gifts that she did buy were high quality, normally colorful. She would give you the warranty and she'd give you the receipt and say you could take it back if you wanted to. So it was hard to tell her hey, lady, why didn't you just get the thing I asked for? Oh, this is so sweet.

Speaker 1: 9:53

A lot of people call her Mama Zeddy or Mama Vet, and they fell for it Over and over again. Now let me tell you what else about your girl. Now, all of this is what I'm going to call BA. Y'all know how they got BC before Christ, ba Before Alzheimer's. This is Zeddy before Alzheimer's. I ain't talking about arts, I'm talking about before the Alzheimer's got it.

Speaker 1: 10:26

Let me tell you what you ain't never want to do. This is part two baby by Zeddy in them last six weeks. What you didn't ever want to do is go shopping with her. It could sound like fun. She would make it sound fun to you. Ooh, you want to go with me? Mama's going to the mall. Or she'd tell my cousins hey, mama Beth's going to the mall. Y'all want to go with me? At the end we can get pizza, or we can get Krispy Kreme hot donuts from anybody who ain't from the deep South. Listen, the way they timed it in Montgomery they had the red light come on right when the mall was closing and my mama would get everybody their own half dozen box, so you didn't have to share, but she was setting you up to go to the mall and then you thought, well, she'll probably get you $20 to go get you something. What you did not want to do was go to the mall with her in that last six weeks. It wasn't worth the Krispy Kreme and it wasn't worth the $20 that you might be able to use to go to the arcade or to go get yourself some candy or a t-shirt or something. Cause, baby, let me tell you something Reality TV, whether it's survivor or love, is blind or big brother, any. From the beginning of reality TV all the way down to Atlanta Housewives Nobody ain't got a reality TV or all of the ones where you go shopping real fast through the grocery store and got nothing on Zeddy. Zeddy would get us in that mall.

Speaker 1: 12:11

And I'm going to tell you all about this and divide us up with lists. And divide us up with lists and you felt like you were a failure if you didn't finish your list. Okay, she gave you a list and it has circles on. Everything had a legend, so, like the list had circles on Okay.

Speaker 1: 12:35

So you go in the department store, jj, you go in the department store and you're looking for a scarf and a man's wallet and a lady's purse. I'm like 12 and 13. How the hell am I picking out a man's wallet, a lady's scarf and a purse? For what lady mama, and for what man? Well, just get black and get a brown one and get a nice scarf about yay big and she's gonna hold her hands out I know what yay big is for a scarf. And, like my cousin might have to go to a shoe store or to the mother cousin got to go to the athletic store. He's supposed to be picking out maybe sweatshirts and tennis shoes and we all have sizes and man or woman, kid or not kid.

Speaker 1: 13:33

And then at the end of the mall is Toys R Us. Yes, this is when Toys R Us was still a store. Now everybody else in the mall our size, meaning our age they're walking around and they're picking out gifts for themselves. You understand what I'm saying. Y'all they're going around picking out gifts for themselves, for their birthday or for a sleepover. We are shopping.

Speaker 1: 14:03

Here comes the best part we don't have no money. Remember we're in middle school? We ain't got no credit card. She about to give us enough cash to go buy Nikes and Reeboks and suede shoes and ill skin. Yeah, y'all remember that old school ill skin wallets. So everybody had to go to their respective store pick out all this stuff. Yeah, that means I got to talk the lady behind the counter into believing my mama is really about to come pay for this shit later. But, ma'am, could you please I'm sorry, ma'am, could I see that black ill skin? Okay, and then I need this gray purse over here and then that that um scar, that's yay big, with the flowers on it, and can you just hold them all over here to the side Because my mama's going to come pay for it. Do you know how crazy that sounds when you're in middle school? But my cousins are saying the same thing, that same kind of thing, in the foot locker store, and somebody else is down in the tours.

Speaker 1: 15:18

Are us trying to find the games? But Zeddy wanted to buy educational toys. Who the hell wants educational toys? And we're trying to talk her out of that. She's like no, no, no, no. I know that they want, uh, the video games. But look at this, look at these. This is even better. What? Because she saw it in the stupid SkyMall magazine. So these are supposedly board games for kids, where you're going to learn math and you're going to learn how to do a chemistry experiment. Chemistry experiment Didn't? Nobody want to do that?

Speaker 1: 16:05

Do you know how many adult salespersons did not want to wait on us and did not want to hold all these products off to the side? Why would they believe us? They are like ah, little girl, where is your mama, and don't have me holding this stuff over here and I could get a real sale. And your mama don't come. Y'all, we don't have no pagers, no cell phones, no way to communicate with each other. Hey, has Zeddy showed up in your store? Have you gotten your stuff? Did you get to? Have you been freed to go to get to the arcade game or get your candy? Because, you know, after she came and paid for the stuff, then you got to go spend your $20. Well, you under spent it. I'm sitting here with my hands full right now. This is shit, is making me mad all over again. It was awful Every freaking year, but she would come bouncing in to your store when it was your turn.

Speaker 1: 17:06

She was like hey, let me see what you got. What'd you pick out and correct this? Heifer, remember, I didn't told y'all you can't call your mama the B word. But in the deep south you can't call a heifer. This heifer would never satisfy with what I picked.

Speaker 1: 17:26

Jg, what kind of purse is that? Who would want a gray purse? It's so dank, it's so drab. Mama, I don't even have a purse. I'm in middle school, I'm 12, I'm 13. I got a backpack. I put all my books in there, I put my lip gloss in my jean pocket and now you mad at me and you said you're gonna be back in 30 minutes.

Speaker 1: 17:52

It's been an hour and this lady over here thinks I'm either trying to steal or I'm wasting her time. Oh, jj, don't be like that. Who would think you would steal? Look at you, baby, come on, come on. Where's that winning smile Mama taught you to have? Oh, listen, listen. This woman that y'all love and knows is always so festive and loving and sweet and kind. Now, on all the little videos, I'm not saying I didn't love her in those moments, her in those moments. I'm just saying she could be frustrated and she could be trying, because while it was, you know, the season of joy and jolliness, right, because you know, november through December, there are a lot of people celebrating a lot of stuff and a whole lot of people with their family. But what you didn't want to do is be in middle school buying gifts for not yourself and not your friends and being treated like you were under child labor laws. That was awful. But what I can say about Zetty is she kept her promise.

Speaker 1: 19:21

We did always go to Krispy Kreme and everybody did always get their own box of six hot glazed donuts. We got our own thing of milk. I always wanted chocolate, my cousins always wanted the regular plain white milk and we always had so many jokes in the car about my mama and how she played us because whatever she put on the list, we did our best to get what was on our list and she wasn't ever satisfied with what we picked, because she's a grown woman, she knows what she mean about. Oh get it, oh get the. Get the nikes that have the such and such and the this, with the blue top and the black what.

Speaker 1: 20:09

We just walk in and say, hey, I need a pair of Nikes that's a size 10 for a man, that's black with some blue on it and whatever. They bring that back. Guess what? Size 10 is the most common size for men. So when they come back and tell you they don't have that size. Then you just say, well, just give me some Nikes, that's a 10 for a man. So then they bring notes and they all white.

Speaker 1: 20:32

My mama comes in Me and she fussing at my cousin these are all white. That's so boring. I don't want to give all white tennis shoes to Uncle So-and-so. Why would you do that? I don't think you tried hard at all. I think you just want to hurry up and rush to get to the Krispy Kreme. These are the kind of conversations she was having with middle schoolers. Lady, you know what you could do. You could hire some real shoppers and let us go outside and play or leave us alone, but you're going to chastise us. My cousin went there and asked for what you said. They ain't had a size. Now you going to beat him over the head. Why didn't you order these damn shoes back in February from the Sears and Roebuck catalog, like everybody else? For good sense? No, no, no, no. You want to take the bad news bears with you to the mall.

Speaker 1: 21:32

Anyway, on the way home it was a whole lot of singing and laughing and Krispy Kreme eating and bless her heart every year. Some kind of way she ran out of time and ended up where no adult would go shopping with us and she would have to talk her daughter and my janky ass cousins into it again. We were the best she could have. We were the best. We was Eddie's crew, we were her crew literally through college Kind of the same crew and every year we would be like, damn, are we doing this again? What we got suckered in again, that's Eddie Snuggle up.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Number one Make moments worth recalling. Who knew all of that? Back and forth mall BS with Zetty would actually bring me some joy Now, decades later. It felt painful at the time, but I was with my mom and cousins doing something that we did actually enjoy. I mean, we liked buying gifts for people, and who doesn't like hot Krispy Kreme donuts? If you never had one, figure out how to do it. It's a really, really good treat. But real talk, it is worth being intentional to create moments right now with healthy people or with your LO who is suffering from a disease that a month from now or years from now, it will be the thing that lets you laugh or cry or have that recollection that soothes the soul.

Speaker 1: 23:46

Number two give yourself a bit of grace. Caregivers, family caregivers especially. It's okay if your recollection of your lo before the disease is a little, you know, pissy or frustrating. It might not always be a fun and fond memory. It might be a memory of something when you like oh man, I used to hate it when my mama made me fill in the blank, put on clean underwear before I left the house that was a real Southern thing. Or always brush my teeth before I went to bed. Or she always tried to tell me who I should date. Or the fact that she hated my husband, even though we've been married now for 30 years and he's the one that's wiping her butt. Whatever the thing is, it's okay. All of the memories may not fit into a nice neat little happy bucket. Give yourself the freedom and the room to let even those emotions out. Bottling stuff up is not the way to go. That is room for stress, anguish and anxiety. That will just get in the way of you having a smoother journey as a caregiver.

Speaker 1: 25:17

Yeah, number three consider contacting a person that was really, really meaningful to your LO and you as a unit BA before the Alzheimer's or BD before the disease Like is there a cousin or a neighbor or a relative that you, just you can recall like that, my mom used to really be close to Miss Pat from the old neighborhood, like 30 years ago. They went to the farmer's market every Saturday. I wonder where she is. I wonder how she's doing. I'm not suggesting this for Ms Pat to come and visit your mom. I'm wasn't so bogged down with bills and despair. You might not even want to take the neighbor through all the problems that you and your mom are facing right now. You just might want to say, hey, I'm just calling to see how you're doing and talk about some of the things that used to go down between you and my mom and hear some of the stories. Even if your mom is no longer alive on earth, it could still be healing for you. Just consider it. I'm not saying you gotta do it. You can stay a part of the parenting up community regardless, all right, but if you do, let me know what's up.

Speaker 1: 27:22

Y'all. I'm over here just mixing and scratching up stuff and reminding y'all Patreon is open. It is open and ready for you, you, you, you and your mama too. We are loading up things. All things Zetty, all things podcast, all things. Caregiving behind the scenes, extra stuff. J Smiles comedy is dropping with her own little collection within the jay smiles studio, patreon, very, very soon. It'll be less than a month, but you want to go on and get in there, because there's exclusives, that's kind of time sensitive to whoever is in there first. We've already had live broadcasts for people who are already in and I'm going to be honest because of, you know, branding matters. So there's some stuff that I just can't say and do on the World Wide Web that I can do in the Patreon pantry. So if you want to see and know and hear and experience more of what's happening between my ears, come to the J Smile Studio, my Patreon pantry. This is Deion Pantry.