Parenting UP! Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles
Get engulfed in the intense journey of a caregiver who happens to be a comedian. J Smiles use of levity reveals the stress and rewards of caregiving interwoven with her own personal journey. Over 10 years ago, she was catapulted into caregiving overnight when the shock of her dad's death pushed her mom into Alzheimer's in the blink of an eye. A natural storyteller, her vivid descriptions and impressive recall will place you squarely in each moment of truth, at each fork in the road. She was a single, childless mechanical engineering, product designing, lawyer living a meticulously crafted international existence until she wasn't. The lifestyle shift was immediate. Starting from scratch, she painstakingly carved out useful knowledge and created a beneficial care plan for her mom. J Smiles will fly solo and have expert guests. You will get tips, tricks, trends and TRUTH. Alzheimer's is heavy, we don’t have to be. All caregivers are welcome to snuggle up, Parent Up!
Parenting UP! Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles
Old People Deserve Different: Don't Just Rip the Bandaid Off!
When a loved one ages beyond typical medical concerns into what Dr. Warren Wong calls "the decade of frailty," everything changes—including how we should approach their care. In this episode, geriatrician Dr. Wong reveals why elder care requires specialized knowledge that many family doctors don't possess.
Have you ever wondered why traditional medical appointments focus almost exclusively on disease management rather than your aging loved one's changing abilities? Dr. Wong explains how geriatric medicine mirrors pediatric care—but in reverse. While pediatricians track developmental milestones as children gain abilities, geriatricians monitor functional states as elderly individuals gradually lose certain capacities.
The conversation takes a surprising turn when Dr. Wong reveals common caregiving practices that can actually harm elderly skin.
For caregivers feeling overwhelmed, Dr. Wong offers a powerful concept: establishing "a line in the sand" as a necessary boundary for well-being. This acknowledgment that caregivers must recognize their limits—even as those limits may shift over time—provides both permission and wisdom for the caregiving journey. As host Jay Smiles reflects, this conversation reminds us that our efforts aren't in vain—professionals like Dr. Wong see our struggles and are working to improve support systems for caregivers everywhere.
Visit drwarrenwong.com or look for his forthcoming book "The GOLD Book: Getting Older with Love and Dignity" to access more of his practical wisdom for the caregiving journey.
Host: J Smiles Comedy
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
#EndAlz, #dementiacare, #dementia, #alzheimers, #alzheimerscare, #comedy #podcast, #warrenwong, #paceprogram, #eldercare #gerontology #geriatrician
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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I'll just give you a very simple tidbit. When a child gets an owie, you put a band-aid on it. Well, that's probably the worst thing to do for a frail, older person whose skin is no longer like the skin of a healthy little baby. There's actually a term for it. It is adhesive associated injury. When you buy band-aids and they say that they stick really well, those are bad band-aids. And they say that they stick really well, those are bad band-aids for older people. Because chances are, when you take that band-aid off, especially if it's the forearm or the hand, there's a good chance you're going to tear the skin off too whoa, whoa, doc, wait a minute, look where I'm from.
Speaker 2:We would say you're coming in hot Doc Attempting to use a typical wound care bandage. I could actually take the skin off.
Speaker 1:Yes, especially if your arms or forearms have been exposed to sun damage for years. Your skin is a lot thinner when you get very old. Even these non-stick pads can be a little bit, sometimes stick and still cause problems. So a lot of times what I recommend is it's just a very simple thing People would come in and there'd be bandages all over these horrific skin tears that frequently are dog-eared skin tears and we would just show caregivers how to actually correctly manage a wound. And you can guess, jay, how old does a child have to be before they know how to use a fork and a knife?
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to guess. Okay, I don't have kids, I'm going to guess three.
Speaker 1:No, so you don't have kids Usually using a fork and a knife is about seven or eight years old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, listen so I told you, Doc, I don't know kids Usually using a fork and a knife is about seven or eight years old, yeah, Listen. So I told you, Doc, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Listen, I got my mom. My mom is my first baby and I got her at 63.
Speaker 1:You know. So think of it this way that if I asked you, can your mom use a knife and a fork? You would know the answer right away, or you would know no, and so she cannot anymore. And so that tells you something. When I say, look at that, aha, she's not at the level where she can use a knife and a fork. What is she at the level of? Can she use a fork? Can she use a spoon? Those are the kinds of questions that a geriatrician is very likely to ask.
Speaker 2:Parenting Up caregiving adventures with comedian Jay Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler alert this shit is heavy. That's why I started doing comedy. So be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver. You are in the right place. Hi, this is Zeddy. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. You got, okay.
Speaker 2:Today's supporter shout out comes from Instagram. Okay, it's only me Quote I love that you refer to your mom as your favorite girl. I called my mom the same as well Emoji heart eyes. Emoji blush cheeks. You are so welcome. She is my favorite girl. Now, if you want to receive the special supporter shout out like, review us on Apple Podcasts, instagram or YouTube. Thank you. Today's episode old people deserve different. You can't just rip the band-aid off. Old people deserve different. You can't just rip the band-aid off. Parenting up family. I know y'all are probably sick of me telling you we did it again, but it's not even me. I didn't even do it. The caregiving gods just decide to give me really cool people who know really, really cool stuff about the space that we're in. And here it is again Dr Warren Wong.
Speaker 1:How you doing Doc. Hey, jay, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Now y'all are probably wondering, like Jay, so why is Dr Warren Wong cool? Well, first of all, he lives in Hawaii. In Hawaii how damn cool is that? How many of you have ever lived in Hawaii? I know I haven't. I have been there, but it's. It's cool just to say you've ever visited there. But he actually lives there. And then he's a geriatrician. Now, all right, that's a fancy word for saying he actually, on purpose, specializes in elder care and then he cares about caregivers.
Speaker 2:How many people out there actually care about us, right? Usually physicians, anybody in the medical field. They're trying to take care of our LOs and, yeah, I like that. But hell, we're the ones doing the heavy lifting. Come on now. Y'all know I'm a comedian. We're the ones doing the heavy lifting. My mama with Alzheimer's. She ain't done nothing hard in 12 years Since she got diagnosed. I've been doing all the hard work. Now, okay, she is living, she is fighting through an awful disease, but I'm just saying, listen, I'm over here busting my ass every day just trying to figure out how to make her swallow a pill. All right, dr, talk to us about how. Did you even decide that geriatric care was a specialty, that you wanted to be involved in, versus any other kind of medicine.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, when I first started being a doctor, I was in internal medicine in San Francisco. That's actually where I grew up. I was born in San Francisco, chinatown, and I was a local boy in San Francisco. I was born in San Francisco, chinatown, and I was a local boy in San Francisco, and I decided to. After I finished my internal medicine training, I decided to go back and serve my community, chinatown, and I worked at a place called Onlock, which in Chinese means peace and happiness, and it takes care of frail older people and the name says it all it's to provide peace and happiness for these people and the medical care was just part of a much bigger team and the day-to-day activities were what was really important.
Speaker 1:Now, the Unlock was the original site of what maybe some of your listeners would know about is the PACE program your listeners would know about is the PACE program, which means that it is a Medicare approved benefit for Medicare beneficiaries who meet the criteria for the program. But PACE is available in many places across the country. It's not available everywhere, but it is a Medicare benefit. But that's how it started and actually I wanted to segue a little bit into like, well, how is a geriatrician different?
Speaker 2:And so Go right ahead, you go right ahead. Listen, you got there before I did.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'll tell you a story that I hope, but how come you're, yes, right?
Speaker 2:How are you different from a family practitioner that just happens to stick with you from the time that you're 30 to 40 to 60 to 70?
Speaker 1:So I would kind of actually say that the parallel that I like to use the most is we're kind of the opposite end of the spectrum of a pediatrician. So a regular adult doctor might talk about your diabetes, your blood pressure, your heart failure, whereas a pediatrician talks about developmental states, how you know, what are you able to do, Are you able to put your clothes on, and things like that. And actually as geriatricians we see it kind of in a mirror image of. That is, we look not at the developmental stages but we look at the functional states how's your diabetes, how's your hypertension? But we would go into things like well, what can you do now? Are you able to manage your own bills? That's a certain high-level skill. That might be one of the first things to go in a person who's starting to develop some degree of Alzheimer's disease.
Speaker 1:And then we would ask some questions that usually most caregivers know the answers to but most physicians never would ask. For instance, I frequently ask the question is this person able to use both a knife and a fork, or does this person just use a fork, or does this person use a spoon? And when you think about it, that's exactly the opposite of what you see, when children, they first learn how to use their hands, then they learn how to use a spoon, then they learn how to use a fork. And you can guess, Jay, how old does a child have to be before they know how to use a fork and a knife?
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to guess. Okay, I don't have kids, but I'm going to guess three.
Speaker 1:No, so you don't have kids. Usually using a fork and a knife is about seven or eight years old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, listen. So I told you, doc, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, listen, I got my mom. My mom is my first baby and I got her at 63.
Speaker 1:You know. So think of it this way that if I asked you, can your mom use a knife and a fork? You would know the answer right away, or you would know no, and so she cannot anymore. And so that tells you something. When I say, look at that, aha, she's not at the level where she can use a knife and a fork. What is she at level of? Can she use a fork? Can she use a spoon? Those are the kinds of questions that are geriatricians very likely to ask.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you this, dr Warren no doctor has ever asked me that and I've actually been to some geriatricians not not to say I'm not about to decide who is or is not doing it right, but those are some really great questions to think about and think of. You know, in terms of the developmental stages, like I absolutely have heard of parents and family members say, oh, my child is not developing according to statistics Because the pediatrician said that he or she is not speaking, or they're not crawling, or they're not rolling the ball right, they're not rolling, they're not throwing the ball back and forth. Rolling the ball right, they're not rolling, they're not throwing the ball back and forth, but then to say that in reverse, that's pretty powerful for someone. As they age, at what age does a geriatrician get involved with an adult?
Speaker 1:Well, so most of our patients are in their 80s, but I've actually had some patients who are as young as 40 to 50 years old that actually there were. Even some neurologists have sent patients to me to do a little bit of neurocognitive status testing and get a second opinion about how a person is developing. But most frequently our patients are in their 80s and that's because I like to put it this way is there are certain insights that people can get, is you know, the diseases that people are very likely to get in their 50s and 60s and 70s are the diseases like heart failure, complications of diabetes, kidney failure and people who age beyond that start to get to the age where those are not the issues. I think of the 80s as the age, the decade of frailty. I think of the 80s as the age, the decade of frailty.
Speaker 2:So I'll give you a very simple example of that, jay how many people do you know, who are 80 years old, who are still driving Okay, driving and those of us who know them are happy about it Zero. Well, actually I know one I actually know only of one, and that person they don't drive very far, they don't drive very often, but it's, you know, maybe like to the post office and to church, because church is like two miles away.
Speaker 1:So I'm gonna go with none well, the truth is actually quite a few people at the age of 80 are still driving and have driver's licenses. I think that among people who have some dementia that's going to be significantly less, but quite a few people at the age of 80 are driving. Then the follow-up question is how many of them are driving at 90? Then the follow-up question is how many of them are driving at 90? And then the number goes quite a bit lower. And the point is between 80 and 90, it's a functional status decline that's very common between 80 and 90, is that 80 is the decade where your abilities, regardless of whether a person has Alzheimer's disease or any kind of dementia tend to go downwards.
Speaker 1:In the 80s, people are less likely to travel and, gradually, less and less likely to be able to do things such as driving. So getting back to your question, jay, about what age group do most geriatricians take care of? We take care of people in their usually in their 80s and beyond, because their functional status is starting to decline. And when the functional status starts to decline, we kind of start to look at things differently in terms of not just worrying about the diabetes, the heart failure, we start looking at very basic things how well are they eating, how well are they sleeping, what are their bowel movements, how much are they able to live independently? And then we look also at the caregivers and say how well is the patient able to do with this caregiver?
Speaker 2:Dr Warren, in terms of caregiving the caregivers doing caregiving for individuals who are 70 and 80 years old what have you noticed that that type of caregiving requires that may be different than individuals who are caring for significantly younger people?
Speaker 1:yeah, so uh, when they're caring for younger people, it's usually about chronic illness, it's about medication management and things like that. Sometimes it's about emotional status, but I think it's important to know I'm caring for this person. What is it that I actually need to do? To do and it could be anything from just managing bills and grocery shopping, or much more difficult is when a person starts to really become unable to do some very basic things, such as needing assistance to put their clothes on or going to the bathroom or showering and bathing. That actually is a different set of tasks that require a different thing from caregivers. And then there are people who have emotional problems, feelings of loneliness, and that's a different set of quote tasks, but things that are important to do with an older person. Frequently, when people are younger, it's more just about the medication management.
Speaker 2:How do you figure that out, especially the emotional loneliness? Let's say, you, someone like myself, you're a family member or a friend and you see that this elder person that you care for, maybe their spouse is deceased or they're living alone, or even if they're living in a assisted living community, but they might not really have friends Every time you go to visit, really have friends every time you go to visit. This has happened to me, where I go to visit extended relatives and I'm like, geez, yeah, I see that there's an activity room, but my loved one is never in it. They're always in their unit in their apartment, but it's hard to get involved. Or when should you get involved? How can you tell if they're getting an adequate amount, I guess, of companionship? Hey, what's up? Parented Up family. Guess what.
Speaker 2:Have you ever wanted to connect with other caregivers? You want to see more behind the scenes footage? Want to know what me and Zeddy are doing? I know you do All things. Jsmiles are finally ready for you, even when I go live. Uh-huh, do it now with us on Patreon. Join us in the Patreon community. Catch everything we're doing. Visit Patreoncom forward. Slash JSmilesStudios with an S.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think that's. The first question is to find out what the actual needs are, and there's a whole list and categories of what kinds of assistance people need. List and categories of what kinds of assistance people need everything from just organizing their lives to companionship, and I think people have a general understanding of what is important to people and what brings light to those people. And then the flip side of it is what are you able to deliver? And I think that's a really important question and, as a geriatrician.
Speaker 2:Dr Wong, I got it. I just got to pause you right there. What are you able to deliver? I want everyone listening and watching the Parenting Up community to take that deep to your heart and soul. What are you able to deliver? And I want to add, in a sustained fashion don't't promise to the person who's elderly or suffering or anybody else in the family, something that you can't deliver and or consistently bring about, because that could cause a lot of chaos in the system that is trying to create some bit of stability for this person who is now elderly and trying to just figure out how to live in this new normal. Thanks for saying that.
Speaker 1:Doc, and you know, it's about getting enough oxygen for yourself, and I actually think that a significant amount of time this causes family discord because some family member basically saying I can't do this, and that's so common. And of course it creates resentment because the other, the person who's doing more, is kind of thinking, well, I can't do this either, but they are doing it.
Speaker 2:You must know my family.
Speaker 1:But I think part of the role of the dietician partly is to go into these issues and say you know, I see something that's not quite right here. And you know some families a sibling might say I'm out of here, I don't even want to be involved, and that requires some degree of family reconciliation. Well, let's break it down into what you actually can and cannot do, and then you have to kind of take it for what it is. And getting back to your question about the perfect answer to that question of how do you make sure all your loved one's needs are met, well, you know I don't have an answer for that. Do you know why?
Speaker 1:Because I've been at this business long enough, jay, to when I make suggestions, people frequently say well, say I don't think that will work. And the reason is because they know their own stories. So what I tell them is okay. I'm just telling you what the problem is. This is not working. You need to figure it out. And a lot of times when they acknowledge that there's a problem, they can figure it out, but when they don't acknowledge there's a problem, it just stays a problem.
Speaker 2:Right, what are, what are the some of the more um, unique stories that, uh, of your clients or your patients that led them to come to you? Right, because many people just stick with their family practitioner from the time that they're an adult to the time that they find a casket, but obviously something makes them shift and come to you. So has it been like you know, hey, that family practitioner just got to the point where he or she really was just dropping the ball, so they ended up coming to you. Or do you feel that people are just becoming we are becoming a more intelligent, I guess community and saying, oh OK, as I get older, I need to find a geriatrician. How are people getting to your office?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I. So this is a prior life for me. Mostly now I'm I'm writing books and things like that and doing podcasts. But you know, in my career a lot of it was word of mouth from families. I was getting a fair number of referrals from the Alzheimer's Association. But the other thing is I really respect primary care doctors and a lot of the primary care doctors would say this is a little bit beyond me Because you do this all the time. I want you involved and you know it's one thing to go to a primary care doctor says well, you need the help of a social worker. It's another thing to go to someone who actually knows the social workers and says I think this social worker would be really good for you, for your needs. Or here I know somebody at the Alzheimer's Association and it's kind of like you. The thing is a family practitioner has a million different things to be concerned about Older people, frail, older people. That's my main course of every single day and I get to know the nuts and bolts of what's going on. And so many physicians actually referred patients to me and says I don't know this area the way you know this area and it's really interesting.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I would get referrals and I would look at the chart and I said I don't know why I'm getting the referral. And then it was always a correct referral. Do you know why? Why, because the physician knew it was a correct referral, but they never wrote down the reason. All they would write about was diabetes, hypertension, heart failure. They wouldn't say things like person can't walk or the person's having family problems. They knew those things, but do you know how many dollars people get for documenting those kinds of things? Zero. So they document the things that the insurers look for to document and it's a very traditional way of looking at things. I really admired physicians because when I would talk to them about their patients, they would know a lot more than they ever wrote in the chart. They said, oh yeah, this family's a real problem. They would say things like that and the patient needs help.
Speaker 2:That is very comforting, Doc. That is very comforting. I know you are a major, major advocate and supporter of caregivers. How did you come to know and feel such passion for the community of caregivers?
Speaker 1:Well, everybody says the physician is important, right, important, right. But in the daily life of a person who has become frail and older, you know, the care really is the difference between a good day and not a good day, right, and this could even be true for home health aides, who are not paid a lot of money but they can make all the difference in a person's well-being on any average day. And then, on top of that, you know the amount of sacrifice that's involved in that. I've talked with family caregivers that I would say, you know, I really think this is a little bit beyond the call of duty. When every day at lunchtime you're driving an hour home to make sure your mom's doing okay and then driving an hour back to work after you've checked on her in the middle, that's kind of that's a little bit.
Speaker 1:I don't know that that's sustainable. And I would say that, and you know, let's try and figure something else out. And I would say that, and you know, let's try and figure something else out. So I think, you know, caregivers are the angels, and they're angels because there's a lot of work to be done. So I'm not an angel, I'm just.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm not actually going through the. I'm not going home to take care of somebody at night, so I just felt like this is a person who has a life At a minimum. You're an angel wing. I'm going to say you're an angel wing stylist, so you shampoo the wings and keep them brushed breadth and the layers that family caregivers and or home health aides are having to overcome and having to embrace every single moment of every single day. What are some of the stories that you can share that may be a little more riveting, maybe even humorous, of things with caregivers, with their loved ones, where, when you heard it, you were like, is that right? But? But the more you heard them you're like is that right? But the more you heard them, you're like I guess this really is real life for some people.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I did want to go a little bit backwards and say that you know. Getting back to how is it your interest? You know, we don't just interview and examine the patient, we also spend a lot of time with the caregivers and in that way it is a little bit similar to pediatrics you talk with the parent as well as you talk with the child and you find out what the issues are.
Speaker 1:You know, memory is strange, right?
Speaker 1:So a lot of things that a person remembers are the more difficult moments and, by the way, jay, it's so fantastic that you do the show because you're the one supporting the characters.
Speaker 1:But you know, when you asked me about some of the stories, I always remember some of the more difficult stories. So One difficult story that really stuck in my brain was this man who brought his wife in, who swore up and down that she must have dementia, and she was an extremely anxious woman who had a great deal of difficulty even listening to questions, had a great deal of difficulty even listening to questions, and more so in the presence of her husband, who was basically verbally abusive towards her, and she was extremely nervous around him and couldn't even hear my questions when he was in the room and he'd said something that actually really upset me. He said I should have divorced her 30 years ago, and that made me think, oh my goodness, what kind of a hell does she live in? And so that's not a, that's not a funny story, but you know, I have to say that.
Speaker 2:You're right about that Well it's not funny, but even though it isn't funny, it is very significant and I am happy you shared it because it is another example of how a person can present as though they have a disease when actually maybe it's more environmental circumstances and stress and elements that other family members or their medical team may not have picked up on that's causing this appearance of, you know, dementia or anxiety or what have, or what have you and you're like OK, now I can link all of these things together. Link all of these things together, and here at the Parenting Up community, of course we're available, we like to add a little levity, but the most important thing is that we want family caregivers to be able to hear and see themselves in the stories of others and I am certain that there is someone who needed to hear what you just said so that they can grow and learn and either be prepared or fortified from their story. So thank you very much for sharing.
Speaker 1:Now I do remember a very funny story actually now Okay, probably okay, that's your dramatic f story actually now Okay, probably okay, that's your dramatic flair, Dr Warren.
Speaker 1:But it was not related to Alzheimer's, but it was related to end-of-life care.
Speaker 1:We had the program that we started in which we were doing home visits on people who were not on hospice but who were terminally ill and had decided not to go on hospice, and I was on call and taking calls from these people nights and weekends, and one night I got a call about a person who had a cancer and I was told that she was schizophrenic as well, and so she called me and said that she was bleeding from her rectum and so that's, of course, a serious problem. And so I went to her home and she was schizophrenic and it was funny because she never wanted her lights on. It was totally dark in her unit. So I knock on the door and she says come in. And it's totally dark inside and I said where are you? She says come this way and I have my rectal ready to do my rectal exam and I said where are you? And then I have to guide myself along her body, which is hilarious. So I remember funny things and I remember things that upset me, but that was extremely funny.
Speaker 2:Doc, how do you never mind, you don't have to recall how you do that, but I mean she's that feels like the worst game of uh, halloween, the halloween version of hide and seek that I've ever heard. Actually I thought here I am and I have to examine your rectum in the dark for a stranger like you, like I don't even know you for real.
Speaker 1:But that was actually kind of a of. I remember it mostly because in my mind it was kind of funny.
Speaker 2:So yeah, well, no, that's funny to me, I mean, but I'm a comedian, have been probably correctly labeled as having odd senses of humor, and often we go too far with where our brains allow us to live. I understand. Tell us. This is, first and foremost, dr Wong. This has been such a wonderful conversation. I have appreciated everything you've shared. Before we end, I want you to let the community know about your books, about your consulting and advisory offerings, and where they can find you, where they can get in touch with you and get your services.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I've actually been putting in years in the writing a book. It's still not done. So I work on it every day. It's going to be called the GOLD book, g-o-l-d and that's an acronym for getting older with love and dignity, and you know we all pass away, but let's make sure there's love and dignity in that. And the caregiver is such a critical part of that. And when you think about it, how many books are there written to guide a mother about how to take care of their child? There's tons of books. How many books are there written about how to guide a person to take care of their elderly, frail mother? Very few. So I've been working very, very hard, hard on that. I work on it every day.
Speaker 1:In the meantime I had a couple of websites that are kind of had little tidbits from it. There's geriatrics with alohacom, which I'm not no longer writing actively in because we switched over to dr warren wongcom, but there's a lot of very useful information there about skin care and how to manage minor skin problems, for instance. I'll just give you a very simple tidbit when a child gets an owie, you put a Band-Aid on it. Well, that's probably the worst thing to do for a frail, older person whose skin is no longer like the skin of a healthy little baby, because there's actually a term for it is adhesive associated injury. And so when you buy Band-Aids and they say that they stick really well, buy band-aids and they say that they stick really well, those are bad band-aids for older people because chances are, when you take that band-aid off, especially if it's the forearm or the hand, there's a good chance you're going to tear the skin off too.
Speaker 2:Whoa, whoa Doc, wait a minute, look, and where I'm from, it would say you're coming in hot doc, just attempting to use a typical wound care bandage. I could actually take the skin off, yes.
Speaker 1:Especially if your arms or forearms have been exposed to sun damage for years. Yeah, your skin is a lot thinner when you get very old and even these nonstick pads can be a little bit sometimes stick and still cause problems. So a lot of times what I recommend is it's just a very simple thing People would come in and there'd be bandages all over these horrific skin tears that frequently are dog-eared skin tears, and we would just show caregivers how to actually correctly manage a wound and it started off by doing the difficult job of removing the adhesive without tearing at the skin. And then we would show we never use adhesive. We always use elastic bands that just wrap around.
Speaker 2:Really. Yeah, it's like a netting. So what elastic bands, bands?
Speaker 1:well you, I mean, if you just go to amazon, just look for uh, dressing, netting, netting, dress dressing okay, oh okay, you know what?
Speaker 2:I've seen those, yeah, and those are. I've seen those.
Speaker 1:They're definitely a little bit more expensive, but it's worth the money. Those things are so better You've already sold me on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my mother will never have another band-aid sticky nothing on her starting this moment. Yeah, that's easy, that's too easy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and also avoid using dry gauze. You know, okay, yeah, you always need to put something on that will keep it from sticking on the skin. Because even the dry gauze, if you pull it away and there's blood there, the blood will stick to the gauze and it starts to pull on the skin.
Speaker 2:Wow, you hear that Parenting Up family Just when I thought we were winding down the conversation. Two major golden egg nuggets that's what we get here. We always get the good stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that geriatrics is all how. There's about four or five posts about how to take care of the skin.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you so much, dr Warren. We end every episode with a segment I call the snuggle up, where it's a. It's my perspective that if, as caregivers, we could just snuggle up to these more difficult ideas, then it would make the journey easier. What is a snuggle up that you think would benefit family caregivers?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So first of all, you, jay, are a major snuggle up because you know I know about your career and how much you've turned around and said this is really important and you know the amount of support for caregivers is it's pretty dismal and the social care services that we offer are actually very limited, actually very limited.
Speaker 1:So I want to first of all give a big hurrah for you and for caregivers as well, and you know I did. We talked a little bit before and I remember one thing that a caregiver once said was I have a line in the sand, and that line in the sand is when my husband gets to be this way, I'm going to have to do something differently, I'm going to have to no longer care for him and you know, just having that line in the sand is good for your sanity. It's kind of say I am doing so much, but there's a line in the sand for my sanity and my abilities that I really need to put out there and, interestingly, that line in the sand can move as your abilities change. But at least a concept of having a line in the sand, that this is not endless, that there's a certain amount that I'm committing to, I think that's really important.
Speaker 2:I love that. Have a line in the sand and recognize that it may move as your ability and circumstances change. Aloha.
Speaker 1:Aloha, lots of love.
Speaker 2:You're welcome back anytime.
Speaker 1:And when that book, when you're ready to release it in part or in total, let us know.
Speaker 2:Okay, thanks so much, jay Dr Wong. Thank you so much for a magnificent conversation, so many great tidbits. Please let the Parenting Up community know where they can find you, where they can get your information, where they can connect with you.
Speaker 1:Jay, it was just such a fantastic time I had with you and great to see your wonderful smile and laugh and talk about and then have those little ahas about. Oh, maybe I'm doing something I should change about the way I take care of when my mom has an owie. So I'm glad to offer those little tidbits.
Speaker 2:What are your websites and or books that people can look forward to, and or books that people can look forward to.
Speaker 1:So the websites right now are drwarrenwongcom and geriatricswithalohacom. The book I'm working on still not out there will be about gold getting older with love and dignity.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. Snuggle up. Number one Folks are watching us, y'all. Dr Warren Wong has never been a caregiver, but for decades he has watched and helped and supported family caregivers in multiple states, in multiple cities. So don't lose heart. Our efforts are not in vain. The Calvary is coming. People are doing what they can to sound the alarm. Make sure we get better resources, we get more attention, we get more help. All right, so hang in there.
Speaker 2:Number two if you or your LO happens to be over the age of 79, consider consulting a geriatric physician. You may not have heard of it, you may not think it's necessary. Perhaps you really enjoy your family practitioner. Your LO may think, oh no, I don't want to change, there's nothing wrong. I've been with them for 20, 30 years. They helped me through this disease. They know all my kids. They helped me through divorce.
Speaker 2:There are things that geriatric physicians are trained to notice, to see, to point out that family practitioners it just ain't they did. You know what I mean Like a civil engineer and an architect are not trained for the same things, even though they both build stuff. All right, feel me on that. Just consider it. Just consider it, especially if you over 79. All right. Number three what are you doing right now to live long enough to need a Dr Wong? That's right, I'm coming in hot and I'm coming right for you. Are you going to make it to 79 plus years? Are you going to be 80, 89, 92, 101 and need a geriatrician? Need somebody to actually ask you hey, are you using your fork or are you just trying to cut a steak with a spoon? I hope to hell somebody does have to ask me that. Check your life, caregiver. Check your life If you're not living in a way to need a geriatrician. Boo, boo, boo Boo.