Parenting UP! Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles
Get engulfed in the intense journey of a caregiver who happens to be a comedian. J Smiles use of levity reveals the stress and rewards of caregiving interwoven with her own personal journey. Over 10 years ago, she was catapulted into caregiving overnight when the shock of her dad's death pushed her mom into Alzheimer's in the blink of an eye. A natural storyteller, her vivid descriptions and impressive recall will place you squarely in each moment of truth, at each fork in the road. She was a single, childless mechanical engineering, product designing, lawyer living a meticulously crafted international existence until she wasn't. The lifestyle shift was immediate. Starting from scratch, she painstakingly carved out useful knowledge and created a beneficial care plan for her mom. J Smiles will fly solo and have expert guests. You will get tips, tricks, trends and TRUTH. Alzheimer's is heavy, we don’t have to be. All caregivers are welcome to snuggle up, Parent Up!
Parenting UP! Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles
Yes, And Caregiving: The Improv Act You Didn’t Audition For
When a loved one develops dementia, our instinct is often to correct their misperceptions and pull them back to our reality. But what if there's a more compassionate, effective approach hiding in an unlikely place – Improv?
In today's episode, we speak with Dr. Candace Kemp and Amanda Lee Williams about their research showing how improv principles can transform Dementia care. At the heart of their approach is the fundamental improv concept of "yes, and" – accepting whatever reality is presented and building upon it rather than contradicting it. When Amanda's father with Parkinson's dementia believed he needed to prepare for a board meeting, instead of correcting him, she asked to hear his speech. The result? Reduced anxiety and a meaningful connection.
What makes this work particularly valuable is the scientific validation behind these techniques. Supported by institutions including the NIH and NIA, the research demonstrates that these improv-based approaches lead to more successful interactions across various care settings. The evidence confirms what many family members discover through trial and error – meeting people where they are produces better outcomes than trying to force them back to our reality.
Have you struggled with connecting with a loved one who has dementia? How might viewing yourself as a "care partner" rather than a "caregiver" change your approach? Join us as we explore this revolutionary intersection of comedy and care that's changing lives.
Visit improvingthroughimprov.com and gerontology.gsu.edu for more information about Dr. Candace and Amanda's work.
Host: J Smiles Comedy
Producer: Mia Hall
DP: Annelise Udoye
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"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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The concept of yes and and that is principle and improv where if we're doing a scene and you make an offer to me like we're going to Mars, then I'm going to say, yes, we're going to Mars, so I'm accepting your offer and we're wearing these hot pink suits. So I've accepted your offer and I'm building on it. Wherever we're going, exactly, we're definitely wearing hot pink suits. So I've accepted your offer and I'm building on it. Wherever we're going, exactly, we're definitely wearing hot pink suits. There's never a lack of those. So that's an improv. Whatever your partner offers you, you accept as the reality and you build on it. Things that help you do that are listening. Listening is one of the biggest notes that you get in improv. Like Amanda, I didn't think you were listening very well in that scene. You really have to be keyed in the eye contact we were talking about. Those are all things that'll help you accept the offer that's given and then build on it.
Speaker 2:Parenting Up Caregiving Adventures with Comedian Jay Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler alert this shit is heavy. That's why I started doing comedy. So be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver, you are in the right place. Hi, this is Zeddy. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Is that okay? Today's supporter shout out is from YouTube Nicole Houston Johnson, 8405. This was very helpful.
Speaker 2:My 90-year-old grandmother is very independent. This was very helpful. My 90 year old grandmother is very independent Dot dot dot. Still able to cook, clean and drive short distances. However, I do worry that she may be lonely sometimes. She has outlived all her siblings, friends and church connections. I will continue to ask what she enjoys, encourage my children to call her weekly and extended family to call consistently.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for that whole point and for giving us so much detail. It does matter those loved ones of ours who age gracefully and hang on and end by themselves. We got to give them a little extra snuggle up, if you would like to be a shout out recipient, you know what to do Leave a review. I would prefer if it's on Apple Podcasts, but you know it could be YouTube or Instagram. We're the same everywhere. Parenting up Thank you in advance. Today's episode yes. And caregiving, the improv act. You did not audition for Parenting up family.
Speaker 2:Y'all know how I feel and you know how we do this. How do I get so excited each and every time? Well, it's because the dementia universe keeps blessing us with more and more reasons to make sure our community keeps enough fuel to go on and on, and on and on. Today we have what I call the dynamic duo, these two ladies, females, chicks, gals, whatever you want to call them. They are busting wide open the notion that you can't be a caregiver for years, that you got to do it by yourself, that you got to be sad. One of them does a whole bunch of research with a whole lot of papers and uses big old words that you might not understand, and the other one gets on stage and acts a fool. Now, y'all know a combo like that. How happy am I? All right, how y'all doing.
Speaker 3:Wonderful.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. So in a very in a more formal sense, I would like to introduce Dr Candice Kemp.
Speaker 3:Hello everyone. My pleasure to be here today. Thank you so much for having us. Yes, and then.
Speaker 2:Amanda Lee Williams.
Speaker 1:Hello.
Speaker 2:Now, I met both of you through this wonderful lecture series that was presented by well in conjunction with Georgia State University, parenting Up Family. For those of you who are listening and not watching us, it was amazing. I didn't even take notes and it's so rare that I don't take notes, but that's how glued I was to listening and watching your presentation Improving care through improv. We could almost stop the whole podcast episode right now. Just the thought we're going to improve care through improv that's radical. That is a radical notion that it can even be done, let alone you're going to teach other people how to do it. Who decided that that was worth investigating?
Speaker 3:decided that that was worth investigating. Come on, Dr Camp. Both of us we kind of came to this idea of improv and the value of improv in teaching the communication skills, the ability to be in the moment, to accept where people are and to meet them where they are, to make people look good and to collaborate, and to meet them where they are, to make people look good and to collaborate all seem to be really important skills in caregiving and also lead to successful improv performances. We aren't the first people to do this. Karen Stobie and her partner, Mondi Carter, have been doing this for a long time. We're the first people to do research really to this extent, although there have been a few other researchers who've done some small studies. So, yeah, we put our research brains together and our improviser brain together, and here we are.
Speaker 2:Dr Candice is being humble, I'm not going to allow it. Anyway, there's some other people that did something kind of like it. It's like somebody saying, yeah, I, you know, kind of, were in flight to before the Wright brothers, but OK, but were you really, though Nobody saw it and you didn't build something better to let two people get in the plane. So I'm giving you all the credit because I've been out here in these caregiving streets doing stand-up comedy and the way you all connect the two, it feels a little different. Thank you, but I'll let you be humble and we're going to move right on.
Speaker 3:We're standing on other people's shoulders.
Speaker 2:I'll give you that. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. What made you all say we have this information, we know it works and we're going to teach other people how to do it?
Speaker 1:I'll take it. Well, when I first learned about Karen Stobie's work, I started trying it with my dad, who had Parkinson's dementia, and it worked so well and I had already been an improviser, um. And so, seeing that, I was so excited, um, about that idea that once we partnered up, we, we, we knew we had to spread the word, the good word, and I've been teaching improv and theater since 1998. So I felt like our two skills combined really helped, and for Candice to be able to add legitimacy to what I was thinking about really was different.
Speaker 2:I love it. Yeah, I love it. Now you mentioned that your father had Parkinson's. Your father is no longer physically on Earth. Is that correct, Correct? What's something that's very important to our community here Parenting up is we're primarily family caregivers. There are a lot of people in the community because we're. We have members all over the globe. Now we're very excited about that. Yay, everybody. Everyone likes to know. We've gotten feedback Like how did you, your family, recognize something's not quite right with dad and we probably need to get him seen by a doctor? What was some of the first things that let you know? This is not that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, he had gotten the Parkinson's just Parkinson's diagnosis probably 2002, but the dementia side of things didn't kick in really noticeably until maybe 10 years later or so where we really started noticing things. The first thing was my dad was like CFO of a company a nursing home company actually Whoa, I know, and so smart, such a great business guy and he started buying like properties where we were like what, just making weird business decisions. We were like what, Just making weird business decisions. The other thing was his executive functioning was not happening the way it used to, so like he got up on a ladder, he fell.
Speaker 1:This is like a shortened version of this. Two days later he got up on the same ladder, he fell, and then he kept doing it, even though he and my mom had talked, like you can't get up on that ladder doing it, even though he and my mom had talked, like you can't get up on that ladder you don't have, like the Parkinson's is too much for you, and he couldn't either remember or make the make a right choice. And I think one thing that I wish someone had told me is dementia is not always memory based, that there's a lot of different signs that I probably could have seen earlier, but those were the first two, and the day that I knew like we had a real problem was we had lost my parents dog and everybody was just like, okay, we got to find Meg and that's a cool name for a dog.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was a good dog and so we were all looking around. Suddenly I didn't see papa well, that's why I call him papa and um. So I got in the truck and started looking for him and he was walking down the middle of the road and it's like a busy road with a turn and I was like get in the car and that's what I was like.
Speaker 1:I gotta move home, we gotta, you know. So those are kind of like starting with the land, then the ladder, and then those are like the ones that stick in my memory the most.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah those are, those were your points of pain. That said, this is different yeah, this is different.
Speaker 1:A lot of times, my mom and I would be like just having a hard time accepting it and be like this is weird, right? Yeah, this is weird, you know, like something's not you know, but it was hard to because he was very good at masking, because he was very smart, and so he would trick us and they're like oh, everything seems normal now. Just had a bad day. Yeah, just had a bad day, and then there would be three bad days and then it just started to become all the time. That's the other thing I wish someone had told me which probably you've already told your audience but is that it's not like a steady downward, it was like a roller coaster.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, but it's great for you to say it. It doesn't matter what I may have said. The more people who give a story that may have similar points, then different members of the community can say all right, okay.
Speaker 1:It starts to sink in and it takes a minute for it to sink in.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Denial is major.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't want that to be your reality. No, it's not for a long time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're in denial. I think we, the family members, can be in denial, maybe as much as the person who is suffering, because you're like no, not my dad, not my mom, and don't, hey, if I didn't, you just jump right in there and pop me all around. You have not experienced being a caregiver for someone in your immediate family. Is that correct?
Speaker 3:Not dementia related.
Speaker 2:Not dementia related.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, yes, I knew it was something. I'm now pointing at the camera saying I was something, something like that. I'm now pointing at the camera saying something like that. I find it fascinating. The amount of research that you are digging in and doing that is groundbreaking in an area that you don't have personal experience. That is not the most typical way that you find someone like yourself, with their mission and their why, so please share with us. Let us know like what is that burning desire little pit in your belly that got you so caught up in these weeds?
Speaker 3:I think being very passionate about wanting to improve quality of life and quality of care, very passionate about wanting to improve quality of life and quality of care, and the work that I've done is inspired by my family and watching and participating in caring for family members. Not everyone has had experience with dementia in my family, but we have experienced people living in long-term care settings and that's kind of what brought me to do work in long-term care, and the more time that I spend in long-term care, the more experience I have with dementia and seeing people who have dementia and also people who are caring for loved ones with dementia or care staff as well, and that just seems to be a huge area of need. Caregiving for anybody with any situation can be challenging, but I think adding dementia into the equation can add different challenges and so, I think, compassion and also seeing a need and, hopefully, an ability to make a difference.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the two of you are making a huge difference. I mean, I was speechless in the middle of your program and I kept nudging my team saying did you see that? Like, how did they? Those two sides of our brain, and certainly sides of industry, don't even want to get along. And here you all are married on the front end, nobody's even having to make you all you know, mesh, and so I want to congratulate you all on having the foresight to put it together from the beginning, when you are now bringing it to society, so to speak, something that I saw. Thank you so much, dr Kent, for bringing up the assisted living facilities, because I've seen this and you actually did extra research on this, which is relationships and even like how people are getting along, how their sex and all of these things that's going on in assisted living, because it's happening A lot, because now people are living without chaperones, they don't have to go to work you know what I mean they don't have nothing to do and it's their home.
Speaker 2:So, it is home, but ideally. Well, we've signed them in and nobody comes to sign them out, Right? But you've even dug into how those relationships work, Correct? So share a little bit about that with us, because I have lots of caregivers in the community who they don't know how to feel when their LO in assisted living may or may not be intimate with somebody. And they get that call and they're weird.
Speaker 3:Right. Well, in the work that we've done, we actually have identified intimacy as a care need and so if you think about intimacy more broadly not just including the sexual contact or the romantic situation you're touched, maybe not in the most loving way. So, thinking about the importance of touch and that tactile piece, that becomes really important and something that sometimes people miss. I think the sexual intimacy also is a really important piece and it often freaks family members out and I think there are important ethical considerations when considering consent, when people maybe living with dementia and don't necessarily have the capacity to consent. If family members and staff can work with the person, if there are those needs. That's a human, that's a sort of basic human need and trying to figure out what the best solution is to improve quality of life and quality of care.
Speaker 2:So I wouldn't automatically try to shut it down, but it's trying to work collaboratively, collaboratively, to find a solution. That's a great way. Yes, I would like to publicly state. That keeps people safe that if I should be diagnosed with dementia, I would like someone to collaboratively try to help me be intimate with somebody that wants to consent To collaboratively be intimate with me back Collaboratively.
Speaker 3:Right. So I think you know it's thinking about what's meaningful engagement, and for some people it is that sexual interaction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or just a hug and a good slow dance, you know, whatever that may be, yes, whatever that may be, hey, what's up? Parented Up family, guess what. Have you ever wanted to connect with other caregivers? You want to see more behind-the-scenes footage? Want to know what me and Zeddy are doing? I know you do All things. Jsmiles are finally ready for you, even when I go live. Do it now with us on Patreon. Join us in the Patreon community. Catch everything we're doing. Visit patreoncom forward. Slash JSmilesStudios with an S the improv portion of things. Amanda, here we go. There are things and you all have to figure out somewhere when these two take their show on the road. And I'm going to try to push to get more and more research dollars, which I think is also fascinating the amount of institutions that support your work the National Institutes of Health, the National Institutes on Aging, georgia State Emory, the technical schools of nursing, like I was like. Oh yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 3:Health and Health Resources and Services Administration. Thank you, georgia Gear and Dad's Garage. And Dad's.
Speaker 2:Garage, yes, and that alone speaks volumes. To have those heavy hitters and community organizations that are on the ground doing a bunch of work, seeing something that is as transformative as this, and saying, yeah, we're with you, here's the money, here are the resources. Go figure this out. This has legs.
Speaker 1:Yay, yeah, I think everybody, if you're lucky enough to keep living, gets old. So it is, you're going to be an older adult, you're going to need some help. So I think that's what like I don't know, but I feel like that's why everyone can connect to it, because, whether there's dementia involved or not, there's sort of that universal like I'm a person and I'm going to get older and I want someone to help me, you know.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. What are some of the techniques or principles of improv that you feel transfer the easiest, that you can share with us here, even though someone has not gone through your wonderful sessions and they could?
Speaker 1:grasp. The first one is like a concept, I would say, is that part of improvising is connecting with the person on stage and, you know, making them look good, making it where we're making eye contact and we're a partnership. I feel like as you get older, and especially as you have dementia, a lot of your rights are taken away, a lot of your everything is taken away, and so, remembering that this is a human person and that you two are in this together and that is part of what I love about improv I tried stand up. I was not good at it. Go ahead and whisper that into the mic.
Speaker 2:I'm going to whisper into the mic. No one's going to hear me. I was terrible at it.
Speaker 1:But I think that's because I like that partnership, that collaboration. So if you think of it like that and you remember that you've got a human person that wants to be loved, that wants to be cared for, I think that's at the core. But then the second thing would be the concept of yes and. And that is a principle in improv, where if we're doing a scene and you make an offer to me like we're going to Mars, then I'm going to say yes, we're going to Mars, so I'm accepting your offer, and we're wearing these hot pink suits, so I've accepted your offer and I'm building on it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely the hot pink suits wherever we're going Exactly. We're definitely wearing hot pink suits.
Speaker 1:There's never a lack of those, yeah, so that is a huge thing. So, whatever you're, so that's an improv and then taking it over to being a care partner whatever your partner offers you, you accept as the reality and you build on it, and there's so many different ways to do that. Things that help you do that are listening, like. That seems like obvious, I feel like, but listening is one of the biggest notes that you get in improv. Like Amanda, I didn't think you were listening very well in that scene because so much is coming at you so fast you really have to be keyed in the eye contact we were talking about. Those are all things that will help you accept the offer that's given and then build on it. I could give you an example if you'd like, please. Okay, this is a pretty simple one.
Speaker 1:My dad kept being stressed because he worked in nursing homes and then he was in one while he was in assisted living, but it felt similar. He kept thinking he was working and so he would be stressed because he would be like. I have so many meetings today and I hated to see him stressed, but it also seemed like he kind of liked it. I wasn't really sure. That's not the point, okay.
Speaker 1:So one day I came in and this was after I had started trying some improv stuff and this doesn't seem like a crazy thing, but I wasn't doing this previously he said I'm really nervous because I have a big speech to give to the board today. And so I was like, okay, so I said yes, like I accepted that he had a speech to give to the board, yes, and let me hear it. So then he, although he was not verbal enough to really give me the actual speech, he felt such a relief after, after going through his notes, um, that that he had been heard, and that's what anybody wants, is to feel heard and validated. Instead of before I would have said oh, you're fine, you don't, you know, you're not, you're retired, kick back, you know. Which is literally what I was saying before. He was so much happier that day and that was me accepting and building on his offer, and so, yeah, that would be a good example.
Speaker 2:That is a good example.
Speaker 3:I just want to add that research bears this out. So the work that we've been doing watching care partners whether they be family members or friends, or care staff in long-term care communities, healthcare providers, when they use these approaches, they have more success. So the yes and the listening, the meeting people where they're at, and just that whole concept of being flexible and being open to accepting that reality.
Speaker 3:And being empathetic and listening. I think that really can't be stressed enough, that the listening and having somebody be heard is really important, and the validation, yeah, and so the work bears that out, and so it's not just anecdotal evidence. I would say yeah.
Speaker 2:Two things that I've heard numerous times here with you all. Is you say care partner and not caregiver? That is major. That is resonating in my spirit. Is you say care partner and not caregiver? That is major. That is resonating in my spirit. And I think I'm about to start saying, like I have caregiver all over all of my literature. This is going to cost a lot. I'm going to need a part of your grant money to go redo all of my merch, change my website search, change my website.
Speaker 2:But in your language of meeting someone where you are, we're in this together. Caregiver sounds way more independent. Here I am giving you something. That means you got to take it and then I'm putting it on you. You're the receiver, but it's not allowing this person, the recipient, to give back, because you're just a wall or a plant or something. You're not a human. But if we are care partners, I give you something, you give me something. It's back and forth and I'm like whoa, that changes mentally for me. It changes my approach and how I review, how I take my position and my responsibility. If I'm my mother's care partner and not her caregiver, I'm like I'm over here, I feel my heart's on the race, so that's major. I'm over here, I feel my heart's on the race, so that's major. Yeah, so go ahead, dr Candice.
Speaker 3:I think language is difficult I don't think we have great language to talk about any of this and we did have an experience with some of the family members and even sometimes when we talk to clinicians, they prefer caregiver, because there does oftentimes become a point at which it seems that the partnership has shifted and so it's not everyone that sees or uses the term care partner as the term, but I think we like it for the reasons that you identified, that if you're applying improv techniques and you're putting them into practice, you can't do that alone and it is a partnership and it is a give and take and it is important to acknowledge the other person and the person who's living with dementia as an active person in that relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I'm going to stand 10 toes down on behalf of.
Speaker 2:So don't feel so bad about having caregiver on everything, because I think, yeah, anyway, I'm changing it. It's too late. Okay, because I understand what you're saying and will put on behalf of the other people and I may not like run tonight and switch everything. However, I believe, even as my mother loses the ability to be as involved, her spirit is still giving me something. Her spirit will be giving me the energy to keep going, to do whatever it is I'm doing. So, no, maybe it might not be 50-50, 60-40. It might get to a point where it's 98-2. But whoever said that the partnership was even-steven? Because it's not even-steven even with people who are alive right now. There are a lot of people I'm like why am I giving?
Speaker 2:so much more than you, boyfriend. Anyway, that's a different. That's a different podcast. That's a different podcast. That's a different podcast. It's almost time for us to wrap up and I'm already mad about it. I'm mad about it because I knew you guys were going. You two, not guys. You two were going to be great. I'm about language, you know you're not guys, you're ladies. You two ladies were going to be great. And the dynamic duo you didn't disappoint. I knew you would not. I knew you would not. Is there anything either of you want to end with or share about how people can find you partner with you, utilize your phenomenal resources and talents? Okay, yes, I'll start.
Speaker 1:And you can take us home. I think, just thinking about the care partner, what I really like about it is it can really feel as a friend and family member that you have lost the friendship, the relationship, the partnership that you had previously and you might have, but you can rebuild a new partnership with who they are now and it's going to be different, but I was able to do that with my dad and I know this sounds crazy, but I think it was better than when before I really do, because it was a lot more giving and loving and um, I don't know. So I just I feel like that's part of what this does too. As far as where you can reach me if you go to, I'm like if you go, go right ahead.
Speaker 2:Remember I'm a comedian, so we go for all of the giggles.
Speaker 1:Thank God, if you go to wwwimprovingthroughimprovcom that is got everything. Dot com, that is got everything, um, and if you put backslash care, you'll go straight to our section of things and you can reach me at improving through improv at gmailcom as well and reach out. We've got a list going of people who want to take our workshop. Um, so even if you're an individual, I think it's worth reaching out and getting on the list and we can help you.
Speaker 3:Yes, I just I want to say thank you very much for having us and giving us an opportunity to share our work with your listeners and your followers, and we have been really excited and I feel really blessed to be able to do this work, because it's working with an amazing population who could use a little uplifting and some resources, and this, the work that we've been doing, the training is a little it's different in that it's engaging, it's fun, and you mentioned talking about sort of shifting the mindset and I think that's, at the end of the day, our goal. If you want to know more, a little bit about the research side, I can be reached at ckemp at gsuedu, and there's plenty of information about the research piece that we do here at Georgia State and learning about the Gerontology Institute and our programs, and I think that's gerontologygsuedu, I think.
Speaker 2:Well, just Google it, google her, and then it's going to take you to wherever she is here.
Speaker 3:Anyway, thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And look, I want to say that I didn't know this until attending your session. Gerontologists are not geriatric people who knew that? I'm not going to ask you to explain all that right now. That's homework for everybody who's listening and or watching. But just know that that have to be. But they can. Yeah, they don't know, see what I mean. I told you she knows everything, but, but they are. They are not absolutely the same, so that's just how beautifully complex these things can be. But, uh, she's a gerontologist and a sociologist and an everythingologist who knows about improv too. So, and I want to point out that improv and improve, that's just take one letter off, ok, so that means they're supposed to go together. Yeah, thank you, ladies, so much, thank you. Thank you for being here. Please keep up the good work. We look forward to having you back. Yes, maybe even having one of your sessions, one of your exhibits, be a part of one of our podcasts too. Yeah, that'd be fun. Yeah, all right, thanks, yes and Great.
Speaker 2:The Snuggle Ups. Number one y'all heard that we got people out here with fancy degrees, researching stuff to help us, and we didn't even know. We all out here thinking you by yourself and yes, I am rocking back and forth making my earrings wiggle and wobble and forth making my earrings wiggle and wobble, but think about it. People like Amanda Lee and Dr Candice are digging in the weeds, researching, experimenting for techniques and trends and treatments that are not a pill or medicine, not something that could ever harm or have some adverse reaction to your LO's liver. How cool is that? How much can we say thank you and hell yeah to my tax dollars being used for this, yes to all of the institutions, the federal government, state government and all of that for using money on that. If that's the case, I'd rather you put the money in that damn that pothole. Let the pothole stay there. I'll drive around it.
Speaker 2:Number two y'all your LO is a human that needs love. It is so easy as a family caregiver for any of us, for all of us and I am saying this with my eyes closed and my fist clenched because I do it too. There's nobody there to record me. So a lot of times, all y'all see from me and Zetty is the good, good, gushy stuff. But yes, I get pissed, I get frustrated, I get worn out, and in those moments you're just trying to accomplish that thing you want your loved one to sit down or stand up or eat or swallow the pill, like literally. Earlier today I took Zeddy to the dentist. She was just supposed to have her implants cleaned. What'd she do? She bit the dentist. She wouldn't let him take the implants out. So that made me late for the recording, rah. But we should always just take a beat and breathe and remember first and foremost that our LOs, they are the ones suffering with this disease, no matter what the disease is. They are fighting for every breath. They are the ones that are losing themselves, and so see them as a human who just needs you to love them first and lead with love.
Speaker 2:Number three listen, we know caregiving is all about trial and error. Ok, I'm a same care partner from now on, so I hope y'all go with me. It might take me a minute, but I'd like that thing, did y'all not like it? I am a care partner with Denny. We know it's all trial and error. We don't know what the hell we doing. And then if your person has dementia, even if you do something right today, you try that thing tomorrow and they don't like it. It is a crash and burn failure. I am going to encourage you to take a risk and try new things, especially when what you're doing is causing you to get an ulcer, if it is not yielding the results that you want. And I am pounding my fist in the air, I am fighting the air.
Speaker 1:Try something else.
Speaker 2:How about improv? Amanda gave you a few examples today. You can Google her and get more. You can go on YouTube and get a bunch more. And if you think, for some reason, improv is too much for you or it sounds too risky, what other things that you do that you think you can merge in some of those principles like, for instance, cooking.
Speaker 2:You got to be really patient, in my opinion, to cook, because you can't unsalt that chicken. You feel what I'm saying? In cooking, less is more. You can't heat the oven too much. You done burned up everything. You can't uncook it. Once the steak is done, it's done. If you want it medium rare and not as well done, you are screwed. So you got to go slowly. You got to be patient. You got to be patient, you got to put a little bit in and taste it. So maybe think about principles of cooking to help you with your patience.
Speaker 2:Anyway, I'm making this up on the fly because y'all know I don't cook, but that's what I heard. Try something new, y'all. Okay, we're going to make it out of this alive or we're going to die trying to make it funny. Thank you for tuning in. I mean really, really, really. Thank you so very much for tuning in, whether you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on your favorite podcast audio platform, or if you're listening on your favorite podcast audio platform. Either way, wherever you are, subscribe, come back. That's the way you're going to know when we do something next. Y'all know how it is. I'm Jay Smiles. I might just drop something hot in the middle of the night.