Parenting UP! Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles

Altering the Perception of Caregivers and Dementia with Dr. Fayron Epps

• J Smiles

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When Dr. Fayron Epps launched the Altar program, she was told repeatedly that no one would fund research connecting faith and dementia care in the Black community. Fast forward to today, and her groundbreaking initiative has expanded to 23 states, 112 faith communities, and 14 Christian denominations—with millions in funding from government agencies, corporate sponsors, and foundations.

What makes this program revolutionary is its dual approach: utilizing the "altar" of the church while "altering" perceptions about dementia in Black communities. By training faith leaders to support caregivers over a committed two-year partnership, Alter creates sustainable support systems where judgment is replaced with understanding and practical assistance.

During our conversation at what I insisted on calling the "summit convention" , Dr. Epps revealed how her own experience of not wearing stockings to church and feeling judged informed her passion for creating more inclusive faith spaces. She shared powerful stories of pastors who initially seemed hesitant but eventually became champions for caregivers in their congregations.

Most compelling was learning about Altar's newest focus on youth caregivers—teenagers who silently shoulder adult responsibilities without recognition or emotional support. 

For caregivers feeling isolated or judged within their faith communities, Dr. Epps offers a vision of what could be—churches that recognize your struggle, make space for your loved one's changing behaviors, and provide genuine support rather than mere platitudes. 


Want to learn more about bringing the Altar program to your community? Visit their website at alterdementia.com. 

Host: J Smiles Comedy

Producer: Mia Hall

Editor: Annelise Udoye

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Speaker 1:

That's what altar is. Yeah, it is us altering our perception of dementia, altering our attitude toward dementia.

Speaker 2:

This is me snapping my fingers, okay.

Speaker 1:

And that's what altar is. So we are playing off the altar of the church. Come to the altar, yes, but also let's alter our perception in the black community so we don't be so judgmental. We understand and we're like, oh, how can I help? Or let me just help, don't even ask how to help, let me just okay, let me do that. And that's what we're working toward and that's why we're here this evening. We got the power of the pulpit, so we have faith leaders talking about how important it is, and then you brought up how people are investing. I've got to let people know that when you're doing God's work, you're letting Him order your steps and you're serving His people. He will make provision. How many times we've heard that in a sermon? And I'm here to say that it actually is true Parenting Up.

Speaker 2:

Caregiving Adventures with comedian Jay Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler alert this shit is heavy. That's why I started doing comedy. So be ready for the jokes.

Speaker 2:

Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver. You are in the right place. Hi, this is Betty. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Is that okay?

Speaker 2:

Today's supporter shout out comes from Instagram. Dst 37, rebel. She be so serious about reading her magazines. Emoji with all the kissy hearts. I assume that she is Zetty. Yeah, yeah, she is. And what's crazy y'all is? You know she ain't really reading out loud, no more, but that baby remembers loving to read. Thank you, dst. If you want to receive a supportive shout out, you know what to do. Leave a review Apple podcast, youtube or Instagram. We are parenting up everywhere, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Today's episode altering the perception of caregivers and dementia. Thank you. What's up parenting parents and other family. Once again, it ain't me, but we have outdone ourselves as a community. It is the dementia gods trying to say we know it's hard, but we are going to give you all a reason to smile and a reason to keep going.

Speaker 2:

I ain't do it, but some kind of way I am in right in the middle of the altar conference convention. I am sitting here with the founder, the one and only Dr Faye Ron Epps. Now let me tell you something. She got so many commas behind her name. I ain't going to mess around and get that thing out of order. My grandmama told me you can't mess up people's schooling, okay. So I'm going to just tell y'all to go look her up. But this is the thing. She has research behind her and she has community activists behind her. She got the government M-I-N-T behind her. She got corporate money behind her. She got hip-hop artists behind her. She got civil rights organizations behind her and she ain't even on a cane. Y'all feel what I'm saying. She ain't no old legacy purse, this baby about 18, 18, 19 years old. She got baby skin. Get some shea butter on here. I smell.

Speaker 1:

it ain't no white diamonds, okay I can't dr x how you doing honey, I can't, I can't I'm doing good. Thank. And did you say a convention? Wow, that's just a little meaning.

Speaker 2:

No, it ain't you called it a convention?

Speaker 1:

No, it ain't.

Speaker 2:

Let me tell you why I called it a convention. Tell me she can be humble. I ain't got to be humble Because, since it's doing it in the middle of the world being on fire, in the middle of listen, for legacy's sake, it is 2025. It's 2025. The government is firing people and slashing things. Talking about some ain't no diversity. I was put on a cool shuttle to go from the exhibit registration over to where we are right now government and academic and corporate sponsors, front and center and happy as you know what to be sponsoring this convention. Because I saw bags when you get, I got a badge on, and when you have a bag with goodies in it, and there is a shuttle because there are multiple points.

Speaker 2:

And then you got in, I got into this particular site and there are signs, y'all colorful signs, saying if you go into this session, go left. If you go into this session, go left. If you go into this session, go upstairs. If you go into the third session, go to the right. Okay, and we got multiple Bathrooms, y'all. This ain't even part Of the interview, drl. This just me trying to prove to these people that we at a convention Alright, I'm going to receive it.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to receive it.

Speaker 2:

We'll talk offline about you and your convention. Okay, all right, okay, anyway, but it is a convention. So I am so honored that I was able to steal you away a little bit in the midst of such a phenomenal event. It is alter, okay, on your shirt it says dementia summit. That's bigger than a convention. So play me All right, anyway, we're going, I'm gonna let this go. Okay, okay, it's a summit convention. All right Now, top that I don't know. Ain't nobody had a summit convention? All right Now. What is so magical to me about you is that you have a PhD in nursing. Is that correct? Yes, okay, and y'all, I swear she looked 12. I don't know how she got out of that school and but anyway, she has a PhD in nursing. And you have put your life's work into the intersection of caregiving the underserved population and the faith community. Yes, and some kind of way you have gotten mainstream to give you money to do it. Yes, do tell, do tell, dear Dr Epps, do tell. How did you have the courage to tell that dream out loud?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, you know, thank you for bringing that up because I have to just tell you it's nothing but God it really is. It's nothing but Him Because when I started off with my schooling I am a woman of faith that has been very constant in my rearing. It's in my family. And when I wanted to do my research studies I wanted to look at religiosity. I wanted to study it more. I was interested why I got put out of church. Because I had stockings on right. I mean, I didn't have stockings on. I should say you know all that judging that goes on in church. I just really wanted to just dig into it. But people kept on saying no one's going to give you money for studying religion. No one cares about religion. Caregiving was big in my family. No one cares about religion, the caregiver's religion and their faith and how that plays. Everyone just kept on putting it off and so I followed them. I said, okay, no one cares, let me go over here and do this. But I knew one thing I always want to do work in my community and that's with the black community. So it doesn't matter what you research, what you do, faith is going to come out Church, the pastor. It's going to come out in their responses. It's going to come out Church the pastor. It's going to come out in their responses. It's going to come out in their stories. And at that point I couldn't ignore it and I had to just step out on my faith and be like I hear you, god. I have to say this is what I'm going to do in my professional role. I am going to really explore how I can make sure that these caregivers are still being spiritually supported, how those persons living with dementia can still be spiritually supported, what faith-based interventions I can develop. And I had someone at Georgia State, as a matter of fact. She said how did you get this funded? You got a whole faith hat was the name of my intervention. But the thing is, god gave me the gift of how to highlight health outcomes, because that's what people are interested in, and they forgot they read about all that religion and faith by the time they got to their health outcomes. And here we are, and so that's how that research got started.

Speaker 1:

And as I started working with families and in the community, I heard from the community. I moved to Atlanta in 2016. They said start with the church. I was like what Start with the church? My bishop, who will be speaking during this keynote this evening. He said start a ministry. What? No, no, no. You know, because I am that person that sits on a pew, let me pay my little money and maybe pledge money, tithe money, I don't know, but I'm gonna pay my little money and I'm gonna leave before even he says amen at the end. I'm out the door in the car and for him to say, no, you need to start a ministry. And the whole thing is I was like well, what ministry I start because I don't get to church on time? Can't be, usher, right, can't be. No, greeter, start Because I don't get to church on time.

Speaker 2:

Can't be usher right? Can't be no greeter. Come on now, I don't sing. Tell me this, dr Elsie. Tell the truth, how long did?

Speaker 1:

you fight that I'm not going to start that ministry. You know what? It wasn't that long. It wasn't Because that evening when he told me that and he asked me, he said well, what do you do? Because I had a whole list of things I don't do and I said I do older people and I started explaining about dementia and caregiving. He said, well, that's your ministry. And I just left puzzled and then when I went home I called some colleagues, ladies that I had met when I moved to Atlanta and I told them what he said and they say let's do this. And I was like, are y'all serious?

Speaker 1:

And we put together a proposal and brought it back to my bishop and he said this is it. And it was just started off with us going out and educating, giving our time, educating the community about dementia and awareness, and it started off with three people. Next thing, you know, we had people all outside the door because they heard about it and they wanted to be part of this and it's all about responding to the community. And that's when I seen oh okay, this is it, this is the ministry, and it has really it has transformed and the reason it's transformed and I'll tell everybody that's listening. You have to listen to hear to be able to respond. And so when I'm out in the community, I'm talking to any family, any individual. I'm listening to hear and respond.

Speaker 1:

And the altar program was created because of a response to a bishop. Bishop Aaron Lackey, after his education session, came to me he said so what I'm supposed to do with this? And I didn't even have an answer because I thought I was doing good, because I was just educating people, because that's what they told us Go out and educate.

Speaker 2:

You got to educate and you're like Bishop you told me to educate. I got some folks. I'm educating him right here in Atlanta and okay, check, let me go on back to work. Yeah, and Bishop said uh-uh, what do we do? This thing has struck like fire, it's spreading.

Speaker 1:

What's next? Yes, and that's how we created this full-fledged program, because I said, oh, I need to coach the faith leaders on how to respond to their parishioners.

Speaker 2:

Okay, hold on now. Wait Now you. My granddaddy would say you're taking me too fast.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay, okay, Now we got to slow this down.

Speaker 2:

All right, because you've been living in this and breathing it like oxygen. Yes, but for people in the Parent Up community, because our podcast look, we, we, the little podcast that could okay, we got folks all over the world, all over the world.

Speaker 2:

We have listeners, that's right, so we got to take them slowly. A non getting to church on time, not wearing stockings person is going to tell the leaders in the black church, the good reverend and deaconesses, okay, how to do something in their congregations. Now we just got to sit with that. You're not supposed to be able to tell them nothing about nothing. I don't care what your expertise is, you can't touch their flock. All right, and that's why you have in a summit convention, ok, so I'm coming back to that, ok, ok, and y'all? I want to go in and stop for this for a second.

Speaker 2:

There are people from all over this country. I was on my shuttle. I was sitting beside a speaker from Los Angeles. Now, you can't get much further from Atlanta than Los Angeles. Who's coming to this summit convention? Summit convention, yes, or the path that got this secret society Real. Talk, the African-American level of bishops and ordained people. They don't let anybody in. You got to have your stripes on how many years you've been in the pulpit before you can even get to the level of you can even be a visiting pastor. Yeah, how did you get them to let you do that?

Speaker 2:

God can I just say there we go.

Speaker 1:

But you know, no, what. Everything you're saying is what I felt in the beginning Like what in the world? How am I going to do this? Who's not intimidated by that senior pastor, the bishop, because you just talked about this society of them we have held all our life and we still I respect them, hold them, have that reverence toward them, whatever they say. That's what it is and that's how our parents they kind of followed them. So I was intimidated in the beginning, but I know what God laid on my heart. So when I showed up at Alliance meetings you can see it in my voice I was intimidated and nobody was listening to me.

Speaker 1:

But the thing is me. But the thing is he put key people in these meetings, key leaders that did hear me, hear me mumble, and one Pastor, jakes. He came to me. He said now, everybody not going to hear you, they're not going to follow you, but they're going to have prophets out here that's going to see what you're trying to do and they're going to jump on and they're going to join this movement. And I was like what he said? So don't worry about those that don't open up their door, that don't respond to you. He said that's all right.

Speaker 2:

They're going to come, but there's people like me that are ready to do this work and I was like, oh OK, so that's one pastor.

Speaker 1:

And then once I looked at it like that and I wasn't expecting. I knew it was going to be the ones that God wanted me to work with, that's the ones that he was going to let hear me. And then my confidence built up, and then, of course, you know, they're going to tell their pastor friends about me and this and that. And here we are here.

Speaker 2:

We are here we are here, we are here, we are here, we are, here, we are. So the altar program had its first gathering in 2019. Is that correct?

Speaker 1:

No, our first summit convention was last year, okay, but we in 2019 is when we put the concept together to create a full program and we sign, and what we do is part of this program. We sign and we partner with churches or alliances, conferences, districts, whatever denomination you're going by, you know what you have, right, we? We partner with them and now we provide a framework and that's the coaching. Now we're coaching the faith leaders, the ministry leaders, how to better support their caregivers, their parishioners they're sitting right there in the pews and the chairs, so we're training them over the two years. So January 2020 is when we actually signed our first church, which was my church, of course and then it spread throughout that and five years later, we were in 23 states, 112 faith community partners individual, some are alliances, some of the districts, whatever it is 14 Christian denominations and we're looking to expand.

Speaker 1:

The thing is, I want to go wherever black people go to worship. I want to make sure that I am bringing resources, because you talked about this current climate. Y'all we need. We cannot. We need us. We cannot wait on others. We've been doing that for years. We've been waiting on others to create solutions for us for years, decades, decades. Yeah, right, yeah, you're right. Decades Take out, years, decades, and so we have to stop. Absolutely we have to stop. And so I really think I know everybody may not be religious, but so many people still. Even though I don't go to, I still pay attention. If I need help, I know where to go. Absolutely, and I want to make sure that our faith communities across the country, internationally, up in the Ghana, have what they need. So when that family member comes to that pastor and say what I'm going through, that pastor now knows how to respond and that family can walk away with something to help them on their journey.

Speaker 2:

Oh, you're giving me chills. I did go to the. I saw your stuff on the internet webs and I saw the Alter Ghana person. Why you keep trying to call this not a summit convention. Now, who else, who hired ain't a convention and we got us an international member. But I'm gonna let you. I'm trying. I'm trying to bring you slow, we're trying to bring you slow into the vision I see for what we already are.

Speaker 2:

Give us a bit of a idea on what the training looks like for someone who may want to contact you to say, hey, I, this sounds great. I live somewhere. I don't think my church has it. I don't think my faith community has it. Maybe I'm non-denominational, maybe I don't go to church at all. However, I would love to be trained, or to have a non-medical point of view first, right, I would love to get this from a non-hospital setting, right? So, cause, I could see that also being interesting. So what does it look like? Uh, I know you're a nurse, but if they're getting it from their pastor, it's, it's gonna feel different, even though you gave it to the pastor with a whole lot of schooling. So how long? That's? My first question is how long is the training, and how can someone say hey, I want to try to make my community be a part of the altar program.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and so how long is the training? I would say our initial partnership is for two years. Ok, because, and when we're working with a church, they identify someone in the church and we have a framework where they go to a dementia-friendly workshop that we put on and then we teach them how to do a timeline, a roadmap on how to do things, so they're assigned a staff person, a volunteer. I have a number of volunteers and they help them create these programs and we do quarterly forums online that they will come in and just learn, because it's all about also pouring into them as well, because they're pouring into our caregivers. So I need to make sure I pour into them professionally with more resources and more education.

Speaker 1:

So that's a roundabout answer to your question, because it's not like. Oh, it's a two-week training. No, it's ongoing for these two years.

Speaker 2:

Hey, what's up? Parented Up family. Guess what. Have you ever wanted to connect with other caregivers? You want to see more behind-the-scenes footage? Want to know what me and Zeddy are doing? I know you do All things. Jsmiles are finally ready for you, even when I go live. Do it now with us on Patreon. Join us in the Patreon community. Catch everything we're doing. Visit Patreoncom forward. Slash JSmilesStudios with an S, thank you. I'm happy that it's not two weeks Because, as a family caregiver I think I shared with you I in year 13, with my mother. She has Alzheimer's. We live together. I used to say she lives with me, doc, but my close friends have said uh-uh, girl, you know the way you were raised. If your mama is you and your mama under the same roof, it's her house. It don't matter who paid for it.

Speaker 2:

That is your mama's house. I said you know what? Show you right, that's probably what she would say if she had enough cognitive abilities. So I live with my mama and her father had dementia and I was a part of the family village in caring for him. So I had seven years of being, but I, you know, I was second tier. My mom and her siblings had first roles and responsibilities and I was on second tier. But with my mom is really just me, because I'm an only child and it is so awesome to hear a commitment of two years by the power structure of.

Speaker 2:

So for you, you're letting a church or a faith community know hey, we're not playing around. So if you want to do this, you're going to get some. You're going to get training because people are going to come in and out Some. You might lose some folks. You're going to get training because people are going to come in and out. You might lose some folks. You're going to gain some folks. But it's a marathon, because caregiving is a marathon, because dementia is a marathon and you can't get enough training in those two weeks?

Speaker 1:

No, you can't, and we're there. So over those two years, after those two years, it's okay. Do we want to continue? Yeah, because now you can become a legacy partner and continue to work with us. So it is so true, this just not, it's not overnight. And we people say some people like, well, every church should be on board. No, every church should not be on board, because we do have an application process. We are looking at the readiness of that church. We provide, we do provide financial contributions, and so you know how we are.

Speaker 2:

Money, Okay, well, I signed, but no, because we want to make sure this money I'm laughing Listen for those who are listening, cause we have a video, we have a watch, you can watch us component and we got a you listen component. And for those who are not, who are watching, oh doc said stop, because I am laughing over here, trying to keep it together with the money component and the way I sign. So that means this is funded if a church joins. Yeah, so we invest in them.

Speaker 1:

So it's not just me giving my time and our staff working with you. We do a financial investment because we are truly, we are serious. So we need that commitment and they have to sign. And so I brought this up because many churches they're like, oh okay, I'm going to take that money, but when I say no, you need to sign and commit to me for two years, they back away. And I think we need and I'm okay with that. At first I was like what's wrong? There's nothing wrong. They're not ready. Wrong, there's nothing wrong.

Speaker 2:

They're not ready, they're just not ready, and that is okay, right, because they got certain you know what. Watch this. Leave them at the altar.

Speaker 1:

Leave them at the altar.

Speaker 2:

All the puns intended baby.

Speaker 1:

So, but it's a process. And we want those churches that are ready to go beyond just say I'm doing education once a year. We want those that are really committed to supporting those that are ready to go beyond just say I'm doing an education once a year. We want those that are really committed to supporting those that are sitting in their pews, those parishioners that are caregivers, those living with dementia. They want to do more than just say, hey, I got education for you. They want to do support groups. They want to talk about bereavement and how that starts before the person passes away. They want to make sure that their caregivers are healthy. That's right. They're concerned about their well-being and you know that's what I had caregivers say when I asked them what you want from your church. They wanted them to be concerned about my well-being. Yeah, give me resources, be inclusive, don't judge me, because that's where a lot of people stop coming to church because black people judge, and in church they judge, oh so much who you telling, let me tell you.

Speaker 2:

Let me tell you something. So I'm Catholic and my church. For the first maybe three, four or five years, I took mom every Sunday because she was still behaving in a way that was appropriate for sitting in church. Because I'm going to tell you y'all got to look her up. Her CV is 31 pages and it's online. She is everywhere and everybody in the dementia space white, black, asian, latino seriously, she's not getting just black money, you know what I mean. She's getting Jew money. She's getting everybody money.

Speaker 2:

That means she is good and they're giving her money to bring it back to put it in black community. Now I'm telling you now don't nobody do that. They didn't give it to Oprah.

Speaker 1:

They didn't give it to. Oprah Listen listen now check me on it. I don't need Oprah calling me now.

Speaker 2:

I'm saying it. This ain't Oprah, I'm saying it. They didn't give Oprah the money to put in our community. They gave Oprah money, but anyway, that's enough of that.

Speaker 2:

Okay so, but with my mom we would go to church, but as the disease progressed and she may have gotten a little more agitated, or maybe we came late because she just didn't get dressed as easily as she used to. So what am I supposed to do? Do we just miss church all together? Because now I'm about to be 15 minutes late, but church is an hour and a half. Why don't we just get the other hour and 15 minutes?

Speaker 2:

But I need y'all to not be looking at me like I can't believe. You late and you walking down the center aisle where my if I don't let her sit in the center where she used to sit, and right there I, if I don't let her sit in the center where she needs to sit, and right there I need y'all to scoot over. Y'all know where she said scoot over and scoot over and move, move to another place. Y'all know what this is. You know what this is and you know if I'm doing it, something must be going on. I need you to look at me and I give you the look. The look kind of like hey, look kind of like hey, and I shrug my shoulders, move, move. If I walked in with a baby, everybody would go, oh, and assume that I had a difficult morning getting my child ready. And everybody would go to move in and saying I'll hold a baby and burping them.

Speaker 1:

Help me burp my mama Move your ass, and so that's what alter is. It is us altering our perception of dementia, altering our attitude toward dementia our caregivers.

Speaker 2:

This is me snapping my fingers, okay.

Speaker 1:

And that's what altar is. So we are playing off the altar of the church. Come to the altar, yes, but also let's alter our perception in the black community so we don't be so judgmental. We understand and we're like, oh, how can I help? Or let me just help, don't even ask how to help, let me just okay, let me do that. And that's what we're working toward and that's why we're here this evening.

Speaker 1:

We got the power of the pulpit, so we have faith leaders talking about how important it is. And then you brought up how people are investing. I got to let people know that when you're doing God's work, you've letting him order your steps and you're serving his people. He will make provision. How many times we've heard that in a sermon? And I'm here to say that it actually is true.

Speaker 1:

So, as I'm planning this, just in January January someone calls me up, say we have some money to give you. I said, oh, okay, what I need to do, what you need from me? Yeah, oh, we want you to give blood pressure cuffs to everybody that comes to the summit. Oh, I could do that. And so here we are. We was awarded $40,000 to give every person here at the summit convention See, I'm feeling it A blood pressure cuff and teach them how to truly manage their blood pressure, even caregivers, because it's a risk factor for vascular dementia. I didn't seek that out, they sought us out and so I'm sharing that. As we're serving and we're doing, we're walking in our purpose and we are truly helping people. People are going to see and they're going to want to be part of this and at the same time, we've got to be good stewards.

Speaker 1:

Okay, listen if you're not okay, then the world star, okay, is going to be ugly.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I'm about to wrap this up for real, oh, for real this time.

Speaker 1:

This is for real, for real, oh for real this time.

Speaker 2:

This is for real. For real because, look, Doc's team is looking at me like you ain't never going to be allowed back and I don't want that to happen. It's about to be. I'm going to say three things, but you can't give long answers, Doc, Because I'm going to get in trouble, Because I got you. Just remember what's the biggest grant you ever got. Give me the juicy bits. The largest grant you ever got awarded. You know you'd be getting the million dollar grants. Well, I don't look at the money, I don't care. We got to know. I know the biggest one I saw, but that don't mean I don't know. Okay, I saw one for $4 million. So anyway, let's move on.

Speaker 1:

Okay, maybe I was working with someone.

Speaker 2:

I don't care, I don't care. Anyway, moving on to this, you see what I'm saying. That is so amazing, she don't even keep up. One of them was $4 million. I'm not saying she got the $4 million, but she's putting $4 million into the work that she's doing and her name is so tight that they gave her that. She works with NIH and WAM. You ain't got to look it up. But let me just tell you this that's a Kennedy. All right, everybody know what that is. That's Maria Shriver's thing. That's a Kennedy. Now, that's another whole situation. Okay, also, tell everybody where you went to undergraduate school, please.

Speaker 1:

Oh, t-u.

Speaker 2:

You know, I know I'm sorry, I just get excited about that, my father also went to Tuskegee oh, my goodness, the Tuskegee Institute at the time. He used to always make me say that he is deceased now, but he's the reason why my daddy died. Then my mama got Alzheimer's all in 90 days. We'll talk about that later. So he's kind of the reason why I'm a caregiver. I went to Howard but HBCU love, HBCU love.

Speaker 1:

like the Southern as well. I saw that too. Yes, HBCU love. Thank you for saying that.

Speaker 2:

And I wanted to make sure that got out, to show that the excellence that comes from our universities and then the heart to serve our community, that continues when one comes from those universities, yes, yes. And the final thing I want to say is what has you most excited about this year's summit?

Speaker 1:

convention, summit convention. Well, this year we added a youth caregiving track, because last year we had a couple of youth come on stage and everybody was in tears or their mouth dropped, because so many times we're talking about the black community being overlooked, underserved, but we just group us all together and then when we're caregiving we know they need help but we never think about our youth that are 15, 16, 17. That's in your household giving grandma some water, sitting with grandma while you cook, giving grandma some water sitting with grandma while you cook. We don't think about them and what it does to their mental and how we often silence them. Because they got questions, they want to talk. What do we say in the black community? Don't ask no questions, just do what I say. And so now we're creating this safe space for them so they can learn now truly what this is, what grandma has, what pawpaw has. Give them the skills on how to now properly, when you do sit with mama, this is what you should be doing. That's right, right and know whatever she tells you, that is not her. That is the disease.

Speaker 1:

Because we've also heard from our youth how that trauma, because now when grandma they say you ain't worth nothing. Imagine what that's doing to our young black men, right, and we didn't think nothing of it. And so we're even bringing someone in to talk about youth trauma so the adults can know how to deal with this. So we're really highlighting this and we have a contest for the youth so they can express their self. They've submitted their entries. They've singing songs about caregiving. We're letting them know that you can let this out, and so we're really looking forward. That'll be Saturday on HBCU Day as well, yay, but we're looking forward to really growing that so we as a community can also know that our youth exists, and they're part of this with caregiving, and we need to get our spirit fed. We need exists, and they're part of this with caregiving, and we need to get our spirit fed. We need skills and they need them as well. So that's what I'm most excited about.

Speaker 2:

I'm excited about that for you. I know I didn't even realize that I was a part of the care village. When I was a teenager, my grandparents would have me taking care of their siblings because everybody was at work. Jay, when you get out of blah blah blah in high school, go sit with Uncle Buddy, because the blah blah blah and the nurse ain't getting off. So that meant I couldn't go to the pep rally, couldn't go to the game, couldn't go to the moves with my friend, because that day, that night I got to go sit over there and he was paraplegic. So you make a great point. Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to go or how I felt watching my great uncle just sit there and drool through applesauce.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so we want to support our youth? I might make sure, because I said the same thing. I didn't even know. I was a caregiver and I was what. After hearing this young man speak last year, I was like, oh shucks, I've been a caregiver Because every college break I went home I was either with my paternal or my maternal grandmother. I was there because I noted my aunt and uncle needed a break.

Speaker 2:

And I just did it.

Speaker 1:

And I just did it, but I didn't think of myself as a caregiver.

Speaker 2:

Look at that.

Speaker 1:

And I was like so I know there's many of us out there, we just I want to make sure that our youth, those as under the age of 21, 22, that they know we see them as well, and make sure the churches see them.

Speaker 2:

All right, we over. Well, that's it. They are never going to let me back in here, but I tell you what y'all pray for me that I'm allowed to come back to the Altar Summit Conference next year. I want to say thank you on behalf of every black family caregiver. I'm not going to say black and brown, I'm just saying black, yeah, okay, because it's a difference, I feel, for the brown people. I'm talking about black people that were born in the United States. We're under attack, yes, and I want to say thank you for the way you have committed to serve us. You're welcome. The Snuggle Ups Number one, yo.

Speaker 2:

The first thing I want everybody in the Parenting Up community to digest is Dr Faye. Ron Epps ignored a little bit what her heart was telling her to do, and then her heart kept telling her to do it Right. Like initially she wanted to do something with the faith community and then the faith community or somebody kept telling her you can't do that, you can't do that, you can't do that. And the universe brought it back around to her because that's her life's work, to her, because that's her life's work. So what is that thing that keeps bubbling up in your spirit? It might have to do with the way you give care to your LO, or it might have to do with you need to lose weight or you should change your job or you should get in a different relationship. Weight or you should change your job or you should get in a different relationship.

Speaker 2:

Here at the Parenting Up podcast, j Smiles is about supporting caregivers. And when we give you support, it's not just how you care for your LO, it's how you live your life. It's how you live your life. And when Dr Faye Ron Epps went on and leaned in yo, she is changing the world, she's changing the landscape and she's happy. Did you all hear, did you see how lighthearted she was? She don't even realize how damn hard she's working it is. I can't believe how much she's doing and she ain't even weary because she's on her right path. So I think that's something we got to. All you know what I mean. Anyway, y'all got it.

Speaker 2:

Number two who knew that faith groups, community groups, political organizations, non-profits, for-profits and government organizations were willing to agree on something for black people in the united states in 2000 to 2025? Who would have guessed it? So we're talking about post trayvon martin up and around george floyd. Would you have thought that. Would you have believed it? I don't know if I would have believed it if I hadn't heard it from the horse's mouth my takeaway, a breath of fresh air. There are people out there who will do the right thing if you put a proposal and an option for right in front of them. You feel what I'm saying. Dr Faron Epps gave all these individuals, institutions and organizations an opportunity to do better and do the right thing, and they chose the light. So strong J, dr Ips, strong J, and let's all take the lesson of hell. Yeah, let's snuggle up to that Rather than complaining about what ain't going right. Where can you give people an opportunity to choose the light? Number three Y'all.

Speaker 2:

Stop making your kids, your teenagers, sit with the grandmama, the uncle, your sister and not explain to them the gravity of the disease. Hey, just go sit over there and watch them. You ain't got to do nothing, just keep the door locked. That is very traumatic for a young person. That is very traumatic for a young person.

Speaker 2:

Why is this adult needing to be adult sat? I don't know why we call it babysitting they're not babies why they need to be adult sat. Why is it that I can't go hang out with my friends, or I got to stop playing my video game to go sit with grandmama. And why is grandmama boo-booing on herself? You can't? Well, I shouldn't say you can't.

Speaker 2:

It might not be a good look to avoid the conversation and ask this teenager, young adult, middle schooler, to take on an adult responsibility without giving them adult information or a forum to explain how they feel about either what they had to sacrifice or what they actually saw when they get through adult sitting. Do you ask them? Were you scared? Did you see something that was upsetting? Do you say thank you so much because I know you too young to have to do some shit like this? Yo, they're just kids. Do some shit like this? Yo, they're just kids.

Speaker 2:

And just because you had to do it or your mama had to do it, don't make it right. You remember? I'm a comedian, I'm about to go hard in this one. I mean, if you were sexually assaulted, you about to put them in a position to get sexually assaulted and say, well, it happened to me, come on, come on, we better than that. It's the parenting up community, baby, we do better. Thank you for tuning in. I mean really, really, really. Thank you so very much for tuning in, whether you watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on your favorite podcast audio platform. Either way, wherever you are, subscribe, come back. That's the way you're going to know when we do something next. Y'all know how it is. I'm J Smiles. I might just drop something hot in the middle of the night.